"i'm okay. it'll get better."

When my friend was little he used to say that when he got hurt. Usually tears would be streaming down his face and you really couldn't tell what he was saying because he was crying so hard. But eventually, he was right. He was okay. It got better. Did I already tell that story? It seems like I did. Oh well.

Suddenly we're at that time of year when I realize that hey! I get really depressed when there isn't very much daylight!! Last year at this time I only had two classes and an internship where I didn't really do anything. It wasn't so bad. This year I have five classes and an internship that wears me out. I've been really tired the past couple weeks and this morning I think I kind of got pushed over the edge.

Wha' happened?

My car was broken into AGAIN last night. Almost exactly one month after the last time. This time they broke out the little window in the back. And this time it was even more senseless because there wasn't a roll of quarters or an outdated ipod FM transmitter thingy to take. Jesse took it to the same dude that fixed the window last time and he was kind enough to give us a frequent broken window discount. I suppose it's important to be grateful for the little things. And now I have a car alarm to protect the nothing of value that I keep in there. I can't believe I had to get a car alarm to protect my windows. What the fuck, Todd Jones?

Jesse was kind enough to drive my car to work and take care of everything. But I was mean to him when he suggested I get a car alarm. I don't want a car alarm. I hate car alarms. Of course it makes sense to get a car alarm. Replacing windows is expensive. After I hung up the phone with him, I knew I was an asshole for being mean to him. I was walking down the street on my way to class and started crying. Crying because I was mean to him. Crying because I have to get a car alarm. Crying because I have a million things to do for school and have no motivation to do any of them. Crying because I don't want to flunk out of school so will have to find some way to get shit done. Crying because I don't have a job and have no income and am completely dependent on another human being.

My own personal winter season is here. It feels like it's way too early but it's here. I have a feeling it's going to be a long one.

I know I'm okay. It'll get better.

dreams and procrastination.

The past couple nights I've had some really funny dreams. At least I think they are funny. And because I am writing a paper that is due this afternoon, I'm going to tell you about my dreams that I think are funny. You might not be amused at all.

Dream #1: I got my paper that I turned in last week back. The paper is worth 125 points. The professor had taken 44 points off of my paper and had written a book's worth of comments. I was bummed, but not too upset. I asked a classmate if she did okay on her paper and she said, "Yeah. She gave me three extra points so I got 128."

When I see this classmate today I might just have to punch her. I hope we get our papers back today so I can stop thinking about those damn 44 points.

Dream #2: One of my professors made us go to a comedy club for our class and Jesse was going to be doing stand-up. I didn't want anyone to know he was my husband because I was afraid they would think the professor and I had some sort of deal worked out. I had no idea what kind of deal that would be but I was sure it would be bad. But then I was excited because I wanted Jesse to meet one of my friends. So my friend and I were sitting at the bar and Jesse came over to say hi and I decided to not introduce Jesse to my friend. And then I decided I didn't need a good grade in the class and left before Jesse went on stage.

Okay. Now I can go write this stupid paper. I don't even know how many points this paper is worth. Hopefully more than 44.

this week sucks. just like all the rest.

I have three papers due this week and I have been having a hard time working on them. Yesterday I got some stuff done before I had to leave and go to see Elvis Costello and Bob Dylan in concert. Hey if you get a chance to see the show, you should definitely go. Elvis was solo and amazing. I've seen him several times and am still in love with his live shows. This was the first time I had seen Bob and I really enjoyed that too. I couldn't believe all the people that left during the last song, All Along the Watchtower. What were they thinking??

This morning I had to go to a function for my internship. I had to be there at 8AM so was super sleepy since I didn't get home until 12:30 or something last night. I got home from the thing this morning around noon and laid down for a minute. Just to rest my eyes (my parents used to say that and now I am saying it and I sound so old). And then I woke up at 3. SHIT!

And now I'm trying to wake up so I can write a coherent sentence, or 15 pages worth of coherent sentences, about systems theory and organizations.