I headed up to the farm to hang out with Joanna on Saturday. After we ate lunch and got reacquainted (just kidding, I "talk" to Joanna several times every day) we headed out to the woods on our quest for shrooms. I couldn't believe it when I spotted the first one. Beginners luck is a crazy thing. Joanna found ten million mushrooms and I found 2. And just so you know, these are morel mushrooms. Not the psychadelic kind. It isn't very often that you get to find mushrooms in the wild and actually get to eat them. And they are so tasty! This is the first mushroom I found.
There is a barn cat at the farm. Her name is Mousecatcher. Apparently she is very good at what she does. And she is very friendly. I've seen other barn cats that are skittish around people and just keep to themselves. Not Mousecatcher. She is super friendly and purrs really loudly when you pet her. Joanna told me she had kittens about 4 weeks ago but she hasn't seen them. She said she didn't know what happened to them. I said that maybe we could tell if the kittens were still around if we could tell if Mousecatcher was still nursing. Then we both looked uncomfortable and I'm pretty sure we were both thinking, "Yeah. I'm not feeling that cat up." Then as if on cue, a nursing student showed up to ride horses. Not just any nursing student. This woman used to be Amish. She has held on to some of the Amish tradition, such as the dress style. But the purple Dodge Intrepid she drove up in gave away her ex-Amish-ness. I was chatting with her while she got the horse ready to ride. Mousecatcher came out to say hi and she mentioned that Mousecatcher's mom is at her parents' barn. Hmmm... so I mentioned that Mousecatcher had babies but we weren't sure if they were alive because nobody has seen them or heard them. Imagine my surprise and delight when the ex-Amish nursing student reached around and felt her some Mousecatcher titties and announced, "She still has milk!" I wish I had my camera out and ready because there is nothing more I would like than to share that image with you. I will never ever look at Amish people the same way.
I went snooping around the barn and did find Mousecatcher's babies. At first I thought there were three but now I see that there are at least four. So cute!! You have to look at the very bottom of the photo to see them. It was dark in the barn so I stuck my camera down there and took a picture even though I couldn't see what I was taking a picture of!
I'm a city girl and have limited farm knowledge. I do know that eggs come from chickens. I didn't know that chickens get raped. Gang raped. There were some chickens without feathers on their backs and on the backs of their heads. I thought maybe they had some kind of fungus or something that made their feathers fall out. I asked Joanna what happened to them and she said, "They've had too much sex." Wha? Huh? Then I got to witness it for myself. Chicken sex involves the rooster holding the chicken down by biting the back of her head and then he hops on her back and does her. It only takes a second and its really loud. But then I saw the gang rape. A bunch of chickens and roosters all on top of one poor little chicken. Slut. I know I shouldn't blame the victim. Bad social worker! But really, I don't think she even tried to run. The slut is the white one on the ground.
Saturday night we built a fire and made foil dinners. Oh my GOD it was so yummy. We didn't sing camp songs but I think if we had drank the box of wine I saw in the fridge we probably would have had full-on "amid the hills of Michigan" harmony going on.
(and yes, our dinners are so big that we had to put them on cookie sheets)
Joanna brought steaks for us to chow down on. She said her parents didn't have a grill so we'd have to broil them. Blasphemer! There was no way we could broil those two beautiful specimens of cow. So we found a grate thingy and covered it with foil and put it over a fire. We grilled steaks and zucchini and Joanna fried up some shrooms and we ate until we couldn't eat anymore. I really need my own pair of shitkickers for the next time I experience the cowgirl life. Excellent!
After dinner and chores we went to Lake Michigan to catch the sunset. We walked out on the pier. Since it is so early in the season there weren't many people out on the beach. As we walked back from the end of the pier we saw some people going at it behind a little bluff. They weren't very good at hiding. It was clear that they were getting it on. Very funny. We ended up walking to the other end of the channel and then got in the car to head to another beach to look for cool rocks and sea glass. As we were driving down the road we saw two people and they were the people getting it on on the beach. And they were two women! Oh yeah... Sorry. No pictures of them. But here's a photo of me at the end of the pier. I'm not very patriotic I guess because I'm saluting Joanna instead of the flag. Ooops.
(my pants are rolled up all stupid because I didn't want to get sand on them!)
And here is the beautiful sunset.
It was an awesome couple days!!
1 comment:
That is the best report ever. The only thing missing is the snake sightings.
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