i'd like to teach the world to sing.

No. Not really.

I would, however, like to teach the world to drive. Or maybe not even the world. Maybe just Michigan. Since we moved to Detroit I've spent lots of time in my car. Most of my commute to work is freeway driving. I find that I have had to let a lot of my road rage go because otherwise I'd kill someone.

The first lesson I would teach is about indicators. Drivers, there is a little lever to the left of your steering wheel. If you are going to turn or change lanes it would be helpful if you would push the lever up if you are heading to the right, and down if you are going left. If you are continuing to go forward, please be sure that your indicators are not on.

The second lesson to teach would be about the left lane on the freeway. The left lane is my lane. Unless you are going faster than me, get out.

That's all for right now. I have some work to do, some cake to eat and then some boxes to pack.

one more day.

I can't believe the end is finally here. Today there was a goodbye potluck for my supervisor and I. It was painful but not awful. I didn't want an agency-wide party but my supervisor ended up inviting everyone anyway even though she knew I didn't want everyone to be invited. A lot of people came. It was nice that people wanted to say goodbye but I am so uncomfortable with that kind of attention. My supervisor said she was going to invite a group of people from one of the other offices and ended up inviting the whole agency. The funny thing is that the group of people she originally wanted to invite didn't even show up. I don't think one person from that office came. I feel kind of bad because she mentioned a couple times how they would feel bad if they couldn't come. Apparently they wouldn't feel that bad! The food was awesome and I guess it was nice to be able to say goodbye to people. Everyone asked me what I'll be doing and I felt like such a tool saying, "nothing."

Oh here's a funny story...

The executive director showed up and asked me to choose between purple and yellow. I chose purple. He handed me a bouquet of flowers that was made of really pretty purple-y flowers. He gave the yellow bouquet to my supervisor. She and I were in the kitchen at the same time putting our flowers in water and my supervisor said, "He gave you the pretty one." and I didn't say a thing!

Maybe it isn't that funny.

So tomorrow is it. I'm ready.

hahahahahahahahaaaaa hahahhahhahaaa

My supervisor called me to tell me that the person taking my job will start Friday and I will need to spend a couple hours with her. Um. No. I told her that my day is really jam packed and that I already planned home visits and I have a ton of stuff to finish up. My supervisor should know that because she is also leaving the agency and her last day is Monday. I don't think she liked it that I said no so she told me that I had to call the program director (my supervisor's supervisor) to tell her. So I did. She didn't answer so I left a voicemail. Then later I got a voicemail from my supervisor saying the new person can go on home visits with me. I called her back and she didn't answer so I left a voicemail saying she can come if she wants but I'm not rearranging my schedule for her and I absolutely will not stay one minute later than 5PM on Friday.

Oh but it gets better.

Last week my supervisor asked me about getting lunch with a couple people at the agency on Friday. I told her that was fine and just let me know. So she planned it for Friday at 12:30. This is her thing, I'm just along for the ride. She sent me an email saying she can't go to lunch on Friday. I don't even know who is going to be there! Perhaps I'll be having lunch with myself, which would be much better than having lunch with her.

morning.

I came to work early this morning because my goal is to finish the HUD report today. It's an ambitious goal but I think I can do it. This afternoon will be busy with saying goodbye to families I work with. That will suck. But I am ready.

I apologize for yesterday's psycho post. My supervisor told me some really bad news about a coworker. She really should have let the coworker be the one to tell me. I was angry because of the bad news and angry because my supervisor never should have been the one to tell me.

My brother-in-law is coming over tonight to check out the attic. He and Jesse are going to rewire the electric up there. Should be interesting. They are both really smart people. One time they got drunk and fixed the carburetor from a boat motor. I just got drunk and sat around. And then we all played drunk Trivial Pursuit. My parents and my sister weren't drunk though. Good times with the fam.

Four more days.

feeling violent.

Some of you might know that I am a pacifist. Some of you might not know that because my favorite video game is Hitman 2. Some of you might suspect it but are confused by all the violence I fantasize about.

Today I am feeling violent. I want to punch someone in the face.

Chicken Little.

I know that violence doesn't solve anything. But I know that I am really angry and hurt and punching someone really sounds like it might make me feel better.

She's crossed the line. Today is my last Monday. And she ruined it. I used to think she was just in a job she couldn't handle. I questioned whether or not she was just a bad person. Right now I don't question it. I know that she is just a bad person. I called Jesse and cried a little bit and now I feel a little bit better. And then he told me that he gets to hang out with my mom today and I was jealous. I want to hang out with my mom! Oh well.

Intern Katie, I'm sorry I can't go into detail. You probably know what I'm talking about and we just can't talk about it because we aren't supposed to know. And I am feeling a little funny about posting this because I don't want to influence your view of your field supervisor. But I'm going to post it because I know you are smarter than that and have figured out that I am just a big whiner who is full of shit.

Back to work.

i just don't get it.

My body is changing as I get old. Or is it the meds? I'm going off the Strattera. I am having some problems with side effects. They have to do with poop and sex so I won't bore you with details. Except about the poop. I just don't do it. It's not that my body has stopped making poop. Because when I do poop it's crazy. And now, when I have to poop I don't feel like I used to feel. Now when I have to poop I feel like I'm going to throw up. I hate feeling nauseous. It sucks. And now I get to feel nauseous every couple days all because I have to poop. This started when the no pooping started so hopefully it will go away when I go off Strattera.

I went to Grand Rapids for birthday party fun this weekend. It was great to see everyone. I didn't even drink myself stupid, which was good because there were church people there. Joanna's and Erica's brother, Bryan, showed up with his girlfriend. It was really good to see them. Bryan started telling his girlfriend stories about stupid shit we did while drunk. Great. She was a good sport and laughed at our retarded stories. It's kind of embarrassing that I did these things when I was an adult and not when I was in high school or something. I like to say it's because I'm so fun, not because I'm an immature asshole.

Yesterday Jesse and I went to P.F. Chang's for lunch. It was so yummy! We ended up going to the one at Somerset which is always interesting. I hate everyone there. Jesse said that now that I have a rock on my finger we fit in. Um. He said it was a compliment but I punched him in the face anyway. I never want to fit in at Somerset! Unless of course I do realize my dream of becoming a trophy wife. Or a truck driver.

Chicken Little is here so I have to go meet with her. There was a little boy at the birthday party that looked like Chicken Little from American Idol, not Chicken Little my supervisor.

oh happy weekend

The other day I read through some of my blogs because I kind of wanted to make sure there wasn't anything awful that I don't want on the record in internet land. What I noticed was that I write a lot about how tired I am. Every other freaking post is about how sleepy I am. It surprised me because I don't think I am a tired person. But I must be. My hope is that I will wake up on April 1. Well, maybe April 2 because on April 1 I have to go to some seminar thing for church camp stuff. I will probably sleep through that so let's stick with April 2 as my day to wake up. I am so looking forward to not feeling worn down and exhausted by the daily bullshit of my job. I don't plan on sleeping all day but I do plan on getting good rest and looking forward to starting the day. For the last 3 years, 9 months, and 24 days it has been pretty much dreading Monday through Friday. Actually, it has probably only been 3 years, 8 months and 24 days. I think I liked my job for the first month.

This morning I woke up at 7:30 even though I wanted to sleep in. As I get old I just can't sleep in like I used to. Bummer. But it's okay because I look forward to today.

I'm meeting Julie, Joel and Amanda in Lansing to do some treasure shopping. While treasure shopping is exciting on its own, the best part will be getting to see Julie! She isn't in town very often so I'm really happy to get to hang out with her for a little while. She heads back to MA tomorrow I think.

Tonight there is a big ol' birthday bash in Grand Rapids. From what I hear it will be off the hook. I wouldn't go to Grand Rapids two weekends in a row for just any old party! Jesse can't go because he has a stand up gig. I'm kind of bummed that I'm missing it but I'm sure there will be more. I'm so proud of him. He actually gets on stage and shares his funniness with the world. It's pretty cool.

I loooooove coffee and Baileys. Weekends rock!

jesse is a liar.

Jesse went and bought my engagement ring and our wedding bands on Saturday. He told me that the jeweler would have my engagement ring ready late this week or early next week. I was kind of bummed because when we had stopped by the jewelry store on Friday, the guy said he could have them ready by today. Oh well.

Tonight we went to Xochimilco for dinner. I looooove their shredded chicken enchiladas! We were talking about some wedding stuff when Jesse started talking about how he doesn't like to lie to me but he told me a lie earlier this week. I must have looked like a retard because I sat there and tried to figure out what he could have lied about. He said he had told me that my ring wouldn't be ready until later in the week. And then he pulled out a ring box.

Yay! I feel super engaged now. Not sure what that means.

yes, i know.

Soriano refusing to play is nothing like me quitting my job. Sorry.

big baby.

Alfonso Soriano has agreed to play left field. It's about time! I mean, give me a break. What a jackass. Soriano refusing to go out on the field to play is like me saying I don't want to work with homeless people anymore so I quit. He's such a baby.

Oh. Wait.

surprise!

I was talking to cool intern Katie today about our team meeting and said something about the potluck being next week and that's my last meeting. She said the potluck is supposed to be a surprise. Ooops. Now I can't remember how I know about it. My supervisor probably told me. Ah yes. Remember when she ruined the surprise for the last team member that left? Those days will all be gone soon. And then what will I have to bitch about? Don't you worry! I'll find something!! That is my promise to you.

Speaking of promises, Jesse said we have to write our own vows. Shit. That's a lot of pressure. If anyone has any helpful hints or knows any websites where I can buy me some vows, please let me know. I said vows, not vowels.

let's try this again.

I'm going to try to post the photos that wouldn't post last night.

Go Blue!!


Darwin talked all about the survival of the fittest. I think it's clear that this little guy was killed and stuffed for a good reason.


Before we went to the expo we stopped by the fish ladder to see if any fish were jumping. They weren't.


And this photo speaks for itself. I think.


Oh I'm so glad it worked. I was really frustrated last night.

i am not a vegetarian.

And I think dead animals are pretty funny. I'll prove it to you now.

The high school I went to had a ram for a mascot. This looks nothing like the mascot of my high school.


I don't like to judge but I do not agree with beastiality. This little fox is just wrong. Poor squirrel. Poor poor squirrel. Taking it up the ass ON THE RUN. Bad fox. Bad bad fox. Is that a fox?


I don't know if you can tell, but the plaque next to this beaver says "Best Furbearer 2006". My hope is that someday my beaver will win that award.


I would like to think that this is Armando's pet deer. If you don't know who Armando is, you'll have to ask. If you are lucky I will tell you. If you are not, I will sic his deer on you. If it catches you, you deserved to be caught you lazy bastard.


This bear is smacking me in the head. I smacked it back.


I just tried to post more photos twice and it didn't work. I hate blogger. I'm very angry. Maybe not angry because I just gnawed off a big ol' chunk of pepper beef jerky I got at the expo. Yum!

hmmm...

I was just browsing drama movies on Netflix. Yes, I do have work to do. No, I don't care if it doesn't get done. Anyway, I clicked on the "urban drama" section and I think it's funny, or pathetic, that "urban drama" means that the movie has African Americans in the cast. Movies like Lackawanna Blues, He Got Game, Do the Right Thing, and Gladiator (not Russell Crowe, but Cuba Gooding, Jr.). I just thought it was funny.

And now I have some paperwork to do.

Roger? Is that you??

The dude on Diane Rehm show right now sounds just like Roger Thorpe from Guiding Light. They aren't talking about soap operas or acting so I don't think it is him. Kind of creepy because I keep picturing Roger Thorpe talking about Afghanistan and NATO and it just doesn't seem right.

What a fun weekend! I was tired this morning but actually felt good about getting up and coming to work. Maybe it's because I know the end is near. I think hanging out with a couple of my best friends for the weekend had something to do with it!

After leaving late for Grand Rapids on Saturday I had to turn around because I forgot my comfy shoes. I couldn't imagine going the whole weekend with uncomfortable shoes so I figured it would be better to be late to the bridal shower I was going to. Then I drove like crazy to get to Grand Rapids by 2. I ended up being 15 minutes late. I wouldn't have been that late but I had to stop and refuel. My car. Not me. It was really nice to see my friend, Jen, and I am really excited for her marriage to Brian. Biscuit!! There were a lot of people at the shower and I didn't know most of them and they mostly knew each other so it was a little awkward. But I got through it! The time dragged a little bit but I think it was because I was so looking forward to seeing Joanna and John and Zander and Zoe.

I went to Joanna's and we had awesome bbq beef for dinner. Oh beef. Sweet beef. It was so yummy! We went to the Grand Rapids Griffins hockey game. John didn't get to go because he wasn't feeling so well. I hope he gets better soon!! The game was fun. Sitting in front of the little league hockey team wasn't fun. Sitting behind said little league hockey team's moms was even less fun. Their 80's hair, big ol' buttons with photos of their little hockey players, and "hockey mom" sweatshirts were very funny! We ended up moving to sit with other friends from church which was fine until one of my friends who I haven't seen in a loooong time came and sat by me and told me all about his problems. Alllll about his problems. I put my social work face on and listened but it was really difficult because the stuff he told me was creepy and I was trying to watch hockey!

Sunday we went to an outdoor, hunting, and fishing expo. It was very fun and I took some very fun photos. I'll post them when I get home. I'm at work right now, very clearly not working.

I got to stop by my parents' house on my way home from Grand Rapids. I hung out with my mom and talked about wedding stuff. Oh it's all very stressful. But I think it will get better when I'm not working at work anymore. Everything will be better. The environment will be cleaner. The food will be fresher. The birds will sing louder. War will end. Ugly people will be pretty. It's all good.

crazy day.

Really it hasn't been that crazy. It kind of flew by, which is the crazy part because usually I sit in my chair trying to will the clock to move faster so I can get out of here. All of a sudden it's almost 4:30 and I didn't stare at the clock in anger once today.

Wait.

I lied.

This morning was "team" meeting which of course was one big joke. I wanted it to end so I could make lunch. I've been hungry by 10:30 every day this week. And that's after eating yogurt at 9. No wonder I'm gaining weight! That and all the huge snacks I eat almost every night after getting rid of my headache.

Anyway, after the meeting I hung out with cool intern Katie (Hi Katie!) who I finally told about my blog. Let's just hope she doesn't share it with the rest of the agency or my ass will be escorted out of this place much sooner than March 31. Hmmm... maybe it's not such a bad idea. Except I still have to go through all my stuff and figure out which junk I paid my own money for and will be taking with me. Like my cool 3-hole punch thingy. I ordered one and the dude at the admin office sent over some piece of shit he found in the basement. He said he was saving the agency some money. I immediately went to Staples and bought my own. Oh great. Now I'll have two because I already bought one for home. I have an addiction. Well, two. Office supplies and nicotine. I've been doing okay with the nicotine, except for Saturday, and now I just have to figure out what to do about this office supply problem.

Tonight I have to do a training at another agency. I think I'll be watching the clock for 9 to roll around. Maybe if I don't talk very much we'll end early. I'll try that out. I just want to go home and sleep.

have you ever been to graceland?

I have. And I am ready to go back.

i can't hear.

One day I heard someone being paged over the intercom.

"Mr. Twatkin, please report to the customer service counter. Mr. Twatkin, please report to the counter."

I immediately looked at Jesse because I thought it was hysterical. He was looking at me like I was crazy so I asked him if he heard the page for Mr. Twatkin. He said he heard the page but it was not for Mr. Twatkin, it was for Mr. Shlotkin. Ooops.

15 more days

That sounds so much better than "3 weeks". I think I can survive 15 days, I'm not so sure about 3 weeks. The end will be here soon. I have a ton of work to complete before I'm done. Part of me doesn't give a shit if I get everything done. But I don't think I can leave without getting shit done. It wouldn't be fair to those I leave behind. And I even like a couple of the people I am leaving.

The weekend was pretty good. On Saturday we went to my family gathering in Holt. Jesse and I had to make the big announcement in front of everyone. I didn't choose to do things that way but my mom was all excited about it and I didn't want to take that away from her. Everyone was excited for us and it sounds like some will even come to the wedding.

Yesterday we went to some jewelry stores and checked out engagement and wedding rings. Holy shit they are expensive. And of course I liked the most expensive one. I have been excited about getting a ring but wasn't excited about going to look at them. I'm not sure what my problem was. It wasn't as painful as I thought it would be and I'm glad we went together.

It was really hard to get out of bed this morning and come to work. 15 days. I can do this.

it's a love hate relationship.

There are two things I look forward to in March. Baseball and the doggies. While the baseball has thus far been excellent and fun, the doggies have sucked big time. Since last year the dog tracks have changed the way they do things and the doggies no longer run live on weeknight evenings. One track has daytime races during the week but if you want to see the doggies run live in the evening, you have to wait until the weekend. We switched from 'okay hotel' to 'shitty lock and chain the door hotel' to see doggies and we don't get to see the doggies????? I want to go home. I want to go home now. I love this vacation. But now it's been tainted. Tee heee. I wrote 'taint'ed.

Yesterday was fun. Baseball and then pirate dinner theater. Maybe posting fun photos will make me feel better about no live doggies.

This was outside the pirate dinner adventure.


This was a shelf in the gift shop. I'm not sure what in the world they were going for in setting up this display. Cow. Native American in a canoe with a wolf and an eagle. Lighthouse. Skull. I was going to say that one of these things is not like the others but really none of these things is anything like the others.


Pirates are hot. This guy didn't have a lot to say but I dug his hook.


Aaarrrrr matey.

genius.

Overheard in the car earlier this evening...

Jesse: What is that? Some kind of cop car depot?
Jen: Either that or a police station.
Jesse: Oh.

o holy day!

Today was Holy Land Experience! I was so excited to go and was hoping to run into someone I know. But I didn't know anyone. We did meet a woman dressed as a monk that was a teacher in Warren, MI.

Here are some of the highlights:

The holy drinking fountains and men's restroom...


holy shrubberies and fountain...


Peek-a-boo!!


I was hoping to run into someone famous! Unfortunately, I couldn't get close enough to him to get my picture taken with him or an autograph.


After Holy Land Experience we went in search of Orlando's very own Graceland. Someone built their home as an exact replica of Graceland. We found it! There were two gates but only one of them was closed.


I love it that it is complete with limousine out front! Jesse wasn't sure if we should be taking photos. I said that if you build your home to look exactly like Graceland, you had better expect photo-taking fools like us.


We were supposed to go to Pirate Dinner Adventure this evening but we ended up just coming back to Lakeland. We ended Holy Land Experience and Graceland at 3 p.m. and pirate dinner didn't start until 6:30 p.m. We didn't know what we would do until then so we came back here and will go to pirate dinner tomorrow night after the game. We went to dinner at Harry's and came back to the hotel to chill and drink wine and write postcards from Holy Land Experience. Tomorrow will be a long day in the sun. Poor us.

we made it!

We are in Florida! And it's hot and sunny! Well, it's not sunny now because it's dark outside. We ended up getting here in time to go to the game today. The Tigers played the Pirates, which is fun since we're going to the pirate dinner tomorrow.

Here are my feet at the game.

When we got to the hotel room I painted my toenails so they don't look as scary anymore.

As we were walking through the parking lot toward the ticket window I noticed Willie Horton's parking spot. Unfortunately it was empty.

I'm looking rather large in this photo. I'd like to say it's my tshirt doing something funny. But I am pretty sure I'm just that large.

Ah baseball. We've missed you so much!

vacation time

Tomorrow morning at this time we will be on a plane headed for Tampa. At least it better be. I haven't started packing yet so have lots to do today. This afternoon we're going to Second City to see Joel, Amanda, Kristin and Dyan in their Level E class show. I found out that our hotel has wireless internet in the rooms so I think I'm going to take my computer. Hopefully I'll be able to post some fun photos. Or at least some dirty ones.

i can't wait to get married.

Tonight I took away Jesse's cheese. He gave me a look that I thought would be the last thing I saw before he killed me. Then he said those magic words...

"I don't want to be a girlfriend beater. I want to be a wife beater. I will wait."

Sigh...