it's all wrong.

I should have quit my job and then taken classes. And then maybe I wouldn't be starting to write a paper today that is due tomorrow. And then maybe my boyfriend wouldn't have to do all the laundry and make the bed. And then maybe the hardwood floors would be swept. And then maybe the kitchen floor would be mopped and those nasty spots wouldn't still be there. And then maybe the sidewalk would have gotten shoveled and not turned into a sheet of ice (I think it melted today...whew, we can't afford a law suit!). And then maybe I would get the reading for my other class done in a timely manner and would show up to class prepared for once. And then maybe I could have been irresponsibly drunk two nights in a row instead of saying 'no thanks' last night because I knew I had to write a paper today. And then maybe I would have had more patience with the creepy man I'll call "Dave" at the bar last night.

Let's talk about "Dave" for a second. We went to the Lager House last night. We weren't feeling especially rambunctious because we were all hungover. It was nice to just hang out with the people we knew and chill. Talk and laugh about the night before. Admire one another's pearl necklaces. Chill. But nooooooooooOOOooooo. "Dave" saw us talking to the band and decided that since he also knows the band but not anyone else at the bar, he would be our new best friend. Unfortunately, we were all hungover and were not looking to make nice-nice with new guy "Dave." Or "Dave's" belly that touched us all because he stood uncomfortably close to each one of us at some point during the night. It would have been easier to accept "Dave" into our little group of 5 if "Dave" had some sort of social skills. Any sort of social skills. Instead, conversations went like this:

"Dave": So Jess, what do you do?
Me: (my name isn't Jess so I didn't say anything)
Kristin: Her name is Jen, not Jess.
"Dave": (laughing hysterically) Oh I'm so sorry, JENNNNN. I'm so bad with names. So Jen, what do you do?
Me: I'm a social worker.
"Dave": Ohhhhhh.
Me: (my name is Jen but I still didn't say anything)
...the end...

and another example of conversation fun...

"Dave": So Jesse, Kristin tells me you lived in Germany.
Jesse: Yup.
"Dave": Really? I lived in Belgium.
Jesse: (his name is Jesse but I don't think he really said anything)
"Dave": Where did you live in Germany?
Jesse: Munich
"Dave": What did you do there?
Jesse: Worked for BMW.
"Dave": Ohhhhh...
There might have been more to their conversation but it was really loud and I was laughing kind of hard so could have missed some of it. And then all conversation turned to kicking Kristin's ass for being the nice one and telling "Dave" stuff so he could use it against Jesse.

Okay so in "Dave's" defense, we weren't really trying to be friends with him. And he was trying really really really REALLY hard. But I think we all thought that after 2 or 3 or 29 conversations like this, he might give up trying. But he didn't. And we are assholes. Do you think I am the ringleader of the assholes? Probably. But "Dave" breathed really hard when he talked. On all of us. The whole situation was just bad. But the rock and roll was as kick ass as it gets and I was home by 1 a.m. and I was sober.

So if I had been a stay-at-home person, I might have had a little more patience with "Dave" and not been so bitchy. Or maybe it would have been worse because I would have drank more the night before due to building up a tolerance to alcohol since there is nothing that says a stay-at-home person can't have a yummy bloody mary for lunch. I mean at lunch.

I wish I could just pretend this blog was my paper and turn it in. I hate APA style. It will be the death of me. If my job doesn't kill me first.