when did you eat a milkshake??

Jesse and I went to the Country Inn of Grosse Pointe for lunch today. Our food had just arrived when the man in the booth on the other side of the half wall said to his child "Oh no! Don't do that! Wait! Wait!" Much to my dismay, he then yelled to the waitress helping the nice people at the table on the other side of the restaurant, "Miss! Miss!! MISS!! I NEED A TOWEL HERE MY DAUGHTER JUST THREW UP!!" My mashed potatoes weren't looking as yummy anymore.

Oh. But it gets better.

The man went and sat by his daughter and started to question her about what she ate and when. "What did you eat? What did you eat to make you throw up? Oh you threw it up. Did you eat a milkshake? When did you eat a milkshake? Was it this morning? Or did you eat a milkshake last night and now you threw it up?" The daughter did not answer any of these questions. He continued to talk about her throw up anyway.

And then it gets better.

Instead of getting up and leaving with his child who just puked at the table, he has her lay down on the booth seat and moves over to the other side of the table and continues to eat with his other daughter.

Thank GOD for a kind waitress who noticed Jesse and I were very uncomfortable sitting next this man who could not stop talking about his daughter and her throw up. She offered to move us to another table, which we immediately agreed to. As we were getting settled in our new digs, the man with the puking daughter had gone to the restroom. On his way back to his puke table, he said to Jesse and I, "You didn't move because of us, did you?" To which I replied, "yes." And he said, with a chuckle, "well, just wait until you guys have kids." Because I was in shock, all I could come up with was, "that's why we're not having kids."

If I had more time to think, I would have replied with something like...

• bawling and then saying "our baby died of SIDS you fucking asshole."

or

• "We have kids but one of them got sick at a restaurant so we took them home right away."

When we finished our lunch I went to the counter to pay and he was in line in front of me. He gave me a goofy grin and I looked straight at his face and did not smile. Maybe I should have. But I really wanted to make him very uncomfortable. He probably doesn't ever feel uncomfortable. Anyone who announces to the entire world that his daughter puked at the table, stays to finish his lunch, and then tries to make someone feel silly for moving away from his table because they don't have kids just doesn't get it. He can't. Jesse thinks his wife must be a real bitch and that he didn't pack his sick kid up and take her home because he just didn't want to go home. I hope that is the case. Because I would really hate to think that he was just a bad bad man and father.

On our way out we spoke with the kind waitress who helped us to our new table. She agreed that he should have left with the child. I mentioned that Jesse and I must have "childless" written all over us because he made a huge assumption about us. She said she too thought that was inappropriate.

Please. If you or anyone you are with happens to puke at the table when you are at a restaurant, be kind to me, or anyone else who might be sitting next to you, and leave. Just go. And as you go, don't talk to me.