really good christmas

I forgot to tell you that I had a kick ass Christmas. Jesse and I exchanged gifts on Christmas eve so we didn't have to carry stuff to Maine.

I was excited when he gave me this to unwrap...


And I was more excited when I opened it and it was this...



I truly do have the best boyfriend ever!

I also got the Bose SoundDock for my ipod that I wanted! It was difficult to leave my gifts behind and travel to Maine.

fun in maine

Christmas day was a whirlwind of dogs. Jesse's mom and her husband have two great danes. Very large dogs. His sister and her family came on Christmas day with their two dogs, one was a great dane and the other was a black lab/boxer mix puppy. There was lots of peeing when they showed up. I didn't realize dogs pee when they get excited. His family likes dogs. I almost threw up when his aunt said, "Who peed on my foot?" and sure enough, a dog had peed on her foot. She wasn't even mad. Wha? Huh? Then his aunt and cousin and cousin's boyfriend came over. They brought two dogs, a really old and deaf and mostly blind dog and a brown lab puppy. Needless to say, it was very overwhelming and I kind of wanted to pee on someone by the end of the afternoon. It was nice to catch up with the human family members. We haven't seen his nephew in two years and he's four now. Totally funny kid! He quotes Napoleon Dynamite like nobody's business.

We went to Caribou to visit his dad. It was a really long drive. We stopped a million times and it took 8 hours to get there. Here's another travel tip. If you get motion sick, don't go on a road trip that means being in the car for at least 12 hours in two days. It sucks. Just don't do it. But! It was really good to see his dad and really get to know him. I met him on Jesse's and my second date but it was kind of awkward. That is probably a story for another blog. Anyway, Caribou got 39 inches of snow the couple days before we got there. People in Maine don't realize how much Maine and Michigan have in common. They acted like nobody else gets lots of snow. Northern Maine reminded me a lot of northern Michigan.

This could be any town in northern Michigan...


And this also could have been taken in Michigan...


And this definitely made me think I was back in my home state...


On Thursday we borrowed Jesse's mom's car and went to Freeport to do some Christmas shopping for my parents. We'll see them in January to exchange gifts. We ended up going to the hunting and fishing section of the L.L. Bean store. It might not sound fun but let me tell you, we were there longer than any other store in Freeport! We found some DVDs that were supposedly about hunting but we are pretty sure it was wilderness porn.


We had a great time. Next time I think we won't go for so long. And I think I will rent a car. And Joanna's making me some pants with secret pockets for carrying flasks and treats. Right, Joanna??

Happy New Year!! We'll be celebrating with friends in Ann Arbor. I'm sure there will be funny photos to post tomorrow.

ho sweet ho

So many meanings to that title. You pick the one you like best.

It's good to be back in the D. I'm exhausted because apparently my body isn't capable of sleeping the night before a flight so I was up pretty much all night last night. We left Jesse's mom's house at 4:30 this morning. I didn't think we were going to make our flight but it actually worked out perfectly. We walked out of security on to the plane. Nice! I've been laying around all day watching t.v. Thank God for Law & Order: SVU marathon on USA.

I'm really sleepy so I won't post anything about the trip right now. I might write something I regret. Or something you regret. Or something like that. You will just have to wait until tomorrow. Or the next day. Or something like that.

vacation update

I'm still alive. We leave tomorrow at 4:30 A.M. I think our flight leaves at 6 A.M. I'm ready to go home!! Many lessons have been learned on this trip. I will share more when I'm not posting from dial up. But let me just leave you with this one tip. For those of you who have had trouble pooping on a regular basis, if you plan on traveling, eat some extra fiber or take some pooping pills or something. Going four days without taking a shit is not fun. I repeat... NOT fun. See you in the D!

merry christmas!

That's right folks, I finally caught the Christmas spirit. It could be because Santa came to my house last night and dropped off a Bose SoundDock for my ipod. I know it's supposed to be about the giving. So I gave Jesse some presents, too.

We're leaving for Maine in a little while. I hope you have a wonderful holiday and I'll be back in few days. I'll try to post something from Maine but it won't be a lot because his mom has dial up. Maybe we can go to the library or something. Library? What's that??

kids

I don't have a kid. And I don't know if I will ever have a kid. But I do know that I can't have this in my bathroom without people being afraid of me. So maybe getting to have this in my bathroom is a reason to have kids?

things i hate

The holiday spirit has not hit me yet. So here we go...

• Cars that drive 65 in the passing lane when the speed limit is 70. I know the cars in the middle lane aren't even driving 65 and you are passing them but GET OUT OF MY WAY.
• 98% of the people I work with (coworkers, not clients)
• 10% of the people I work with (clients, not coworkers)
• Icy sidewalks that the snow removal people should have salted but didn't.
• Lazy snow removal people
• Hitting snooze on the alarm clock so many times that I lose count and end up getting out of bed late.
• Team meetings, which is why I'm hiding in my office. Don't call me because I'm not answering my phone in case they are trying to talk me into coming to the team meeting.
• Warm soda.
• Warm beer. (You have to say 'warm' like 'narm')
• Alarm clocks
• Being nice to people I don't like
• dirty computer keyboards

That's all for now. I'm sure there is lots more. But I'm feeling kind of bad for skipping my meeting this morning. I'm going to go downstairs to find something to keep me busy until the meeting is over.

bullshit buffet

Today was a very busy day at work. I thought of about a bzillion things to blog but didn't have time. So you get it all at once in one blog. Aren't you lucky? And even more fun is that I'm feeling so A.D.D. lately. Just super overwhelmed and like everything is happening at once. Which it probably is. Maybe not.

I don't know a ton about computers. But I'm glad I know more than Chicken Little (for those of you who are not paying attention, Chicken Little is my supervisor. I am not chastising you for not paying attention, believe me, I understand). A little conversation we had the other day:

Chicken Little: My computer died so I'm getting a new one. You're on the list to get a new one too.
Me: Really? Mine isn't that old.
CL: You're getting one because it isn't compatible with service point (a program we use for tracking homeless people). Your computer has to have a gig or something.
Me: Probably has to have more than a gig. My computer has almost 30 GB.
CL: Oh. Well I guess it only needs one and that's why they are going to replace it.

This worries me because the last time I got a new computer it took almost 3 months! Someone had broken into our office and stolen our computers and printers. That was when I first realized I spent far too much time messing around on the internet instead of working.

I was getting ready to go on a home visit this afternoon. I felt something in a pocket in my jacket that I don't use very much. I unzipped the pocket and pulled out two jello shots. A green one and a purple one. I said, "Oh! Jello shots!" much in the way I would say "Oh! Bendy straw!" and my coworker looked at me like I was crazy. They were in there from Saturday. I don't remember putting them there! I just looked at her, opened them and drank them both.

Just kidding.

I was supposed to have dinner with a friend tonight but apparently she hates me. Instead of having dinner I decided to go to the Borders store in Detroit to get a couple more Christmas presents. Most of the traffic lights in the very downtown area of the city were out. And apparently I am the only one that thinks to treat the intersection as a 4-way stop when the lights are out. It was crazy! And kind of creepy because the traffic lights were out but some of the street lights were on. Who knows what was going on. I think I'm all done shopping now. Except for my parents and I'm going to shop for them at the L.L. Bean store in Freeport, ME. If anyone needs new flannel, let me know and I'll hook you up. Fo' shizzle. Hm. It really isn't that surprising that my friend hates me.

Last night I checked my grades online and I got two A's. Apparently my microtheory professor felt sorry for me or something and gave me an A instead of an A-. Whew!

My last day of work is tomorrow. I'm way behind on a ton of work and will never finish before tomorrow at 5. I thought I would get lots done today because I couldn't leave my office. We got so many donations in for the holidays that it took a while to move shit so I could have a path to leave. It's a good thing the fire marshal didn't stop by because I'm pretty sure we were violating some code. The one that says if there is a fire you have to be able to get out of the burning building without having to climb over waist high boxes of household items and holiday gifts for homeless families.

Tonight I wrap presents and enjoy a bloody mary or two or three or four.

almost anniversary

I started blogging almost a year ago. I would celebrate but really now, what is there to celebrate? This has turned into one more place for me to bitch and moan. I wanted to post all these funny things about the village and their ridiculous emails but their emails have been so boring lately. Nothing funny to report. I still think they are ridiculous people. I shouldn't say all of them are ridiculous because I don't know any of them. Ha! But I do know that someone had a party a couple weeks ago and I couldn't get down the street because their valet parking was taking up the whole street. Valet parking at someone's house. Yeah. Ridiculous.

Last night was Jesse's graduation show. He graduated from stand-up comedy class. I wasn't feeling well but I dragged my sorry ass to Livonia. I'm so glad I went! He was really really really funny. And I'm not just saying that because I love him. I've gotten to the point where if I don't think it's funny, I don't laugh. And I was laughing at his jokes! When I first started going to his improv shows I laughed at everything because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Now I don't give a shit. And I wasn't the only one laughing at his jokes. It seemed the rest of the audience thought he was funny too. Well, everyone except one of his coworkers. He didn't look amused at all. And his girlfriend. She didn't really laugh either. Maybe they had to stop and get an abortion on the way to the club or something.

Back to this one year anniversary thing. I have great plans for this blog in the next year. They involve interpretive dance, furniture building, midget porn and new beginnings.

4 more days of work.

We had another busy weekend! I think it was fun. It ended way too soon and I had a really hard time getting my ass out of bed this morning.

Saturday was my last day of class. YAY!! I got my final exam back and got an A on the stupid thing. Looks like I'll get an A- in the class, maybe an A. I'm just glad to be done and now will have to start working on my grad school application. If they don't let me in I'm going to be soooo pissed. Maybe I should wait to quit my job until I know for sure. Damn.

Saturday night we went to my brother-in-law's brother's solstice party. He lives in Northville which isn't too far away but we decided to get a hotel room a few miles from his house since we had to go to Lansing on Sunday. Northville is somewhere in between Detroit and Lansing. I'm so glad we got the hotel room because we ended up having tons of fun, which translates to drinking lots of wine and other alcoholic beverages. Jello shots. When we returned to the hotel room I had 5 jello shots in my coat pocket and Jesse had a couple in his pocket. I think we got them for the ride home. Not sure.

Wanna hear a funny story? Okay but I have to warn you it is kind of about sex. So if you don't want to read it, stop here.

We were drunk and ended up getting kind of loud. Well, I got kind of loud. On Sunday morning I could hear the people in the room next door talking. I could hear their voices, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. But I could tell they were speaking with 'indoor' voices. The night before I definitely wasn't using an 'indoor' voice. If they were awake the night before they had to have heard me. How embarrassing. Oh well. I figured I would never see them. Except when we left the room to go check out the continental breakfast, the lovely family with a mom, dad and two adolescent daughters in the room next to ours left at exactly the same time. I just about died. We started walking toward the elevator behind them but I chickened out and we turned around and took the stairs. Why me????

Sunday was fun family party at my parents' house. Ah family with a hangover. So much fun. It actually wasn't too bad. My niece (my brother's daughter) is just about the cutest kid I've ever seen. She's 2 and talks nonstop and cracks me up. Most of the time I could even understand what she was saying. I think last night I was sleeping by 9:30. Pathetic but I'm getting old and just can't recover from a night of drinking like I used to.

We leave for Maine on Saturday. I'm really looking forward to spending time with Jesse's family. It will be hard to not be with my family because we are so ridiculously close. But his family is starting to feel like my family even though we don't see them as often as we would like to so it will all be good. And because we don't want to drag all of our Christmas presents to Maine and then drag them back home, Jesse and I are exchanging gifts on Saturday. Oh yeah!!

fun at the grocery store.

This afternoon I took a trip to downtown Ann Arbor to pick up my contacts from the eye doctor. I had to drive by a grocery store that sells one of my favorite kinds of bloody mary mix. For some reason nobody in Detroit sells it. On my way back to work I stopped at the grocery store to buy some bloody mary mix. Yum! I picked up a couple bottles and I tried to think if there was anything else I needed.

Oh! I need maxi pads!

That's right.

I bought two bottles of bloody mary mix and one package of maxi pads. I was waiting for the check out lady to laugh at me but she didn't. I thought it was hysterical.

take a bath.

My skin gets really dry in the winter. I am fairly obsessed with finding the right products to keep my skin nice and hydrated and soft and smooth. This morning when I was in the shower applying my oh so lovely Origins Salt Rub I had flashbacks that I think explain my obsession with moisturizing products. When I was little I didn't care about dry skin and never put lotion on my body. In the spring my skin was still dry but by summer it would be okay. One spring I was running around in shorts and tshirt and because my skin was all dry and ashy, my knees and elbows looked darker where that dry, ashy skin was bunched up. One of the neighbor kids who was 6 years older than me pointed and laughed at me and yelled, "Look! Jenny has dirty knees!" When I tried to explain that I just took a bath the night before, she laughed and yelled, "Dirty knees! Dirty knees! Jenny has dirty knees!" And from that point on, whenever I saw her, she would call me "Dirty Knees." That's right. I've never recovered from having dirty knees that were indeed, clean. She stopped calling me Dirty Knees right around the time she said I was too stupid to meditate. I think that's a story for another day.

chicken little 1, me 0

I just heard on the radio that we have a winter storm warning for tomorrow. 4 to 7 inches of snow for southeast MI. I'm sorry Chicken Little. I'm sorry.

the sky is falling!

I've decided to refer to my supervisor as Chicken Little from now on. The latest drama today is a huge ice storm we are going to get on Thursday. This morning she went on and on about how bad it is going to be. I can't find anything about it online. I looked at weather.com. I looked at the Detroit tv station websites. Nothing. Maybe she is psychic?

the cult.

As some of you may know, improv is taking over the world. Last night I was sitting in my last Monday night class when I overhead the most annoying woman in the entire University say, "There's a guy in my improv class that works with his dad." Part of me wanted to know where she takes improv class because I want to see her class show. I'm pretty sure she is one of the least funny people I have ever met, as well as one of the worst social workers. When class ended a woman invited me to go get drinks with some of the people in the class. When I saw improv woman was going I said no thanks. Maybe I should have gone. Maybe she is really the cult leader.

On Friday I had to attend the agency holiday party. I didn't have to but if I didn't, I would have to use vacation time to take the day off. As much as I hated the idea of attending a holiday party with these yahoos I work with, I didn't want to use vacation time because I need it for more pressing matters, such as spring training.

While at the party I spoke with the executive director about whether or not he would be willing to help me out with a situation I was going through with another local agency. We talked about the situation and he said he would be happy to make some phone calls to the director of that agency to get the situation taken care of. Then he said he had to talk to me about something. He told me about a position at the agency that will be opening up soon. The woman that is currently in that job is pregnant and when she leaves for maternity leave she won't return. He said he thought of me for the position and hoped I would consider applying for it. I didn't know what to say because I don't want him to know I don't plan on being around long enough for a job change. And I didn't want to lie to him and tell him I will apply for it. My supervisor was sitting at the same table and overheard the conversation.

About 15 minutes after the uncomfortable conversation with the executive director one of my coworkers came up to me as I was getting ready to leave. She pulled me aside and said my supervisor told her about the conversation the director was having with me and wanted to know how I handled it. I really like this coworker and she already knows that I don't plan on being around forever so she was asking because she wanted to know if I was okay and if I had to tell him I was planning on leaving. I told her what we talked about and she made me feel better about my decision to not be completely open with him. But what really pissed me off is that my supervisor told her about the conversation. Are you kidding me?? I know my supervisor has a big mouth but this is ridiculous.

This morning I was talking to my supervisor and she went on and on about how inappropriate it was for the executive director to have that conversation with me without talking to her about it first. She's my supervisor and blah blah blah. I just stared at her. I wanted to say, "and what was really inappropriate was that you went and told the other person right after I left the table." But she just doesn't get it.

I gotta get out of here.

Jesse and I went to Grand Rapids this weekend to see Erica's and Joanna's families. We left Saturday afternoon after I got home from class. I was really sleepy because I had only gotten a couple of hours of sleep the night before. Procrastinating sucks but I finished my papers and turned them in on Saturday! Hanging out with their families is always a blast. The kids are hysterical and so are the parents. We came home yesterday so I could finish my final exam that is due tonight and watch the Survivor finale. I think I was happy with the outcome. Danni's lips really frightened me though. Yuck.

Now I'm at work and trying to avoid doing actual work. I kind of want to take a nap. I'm supposed to meet with someone in a few minutes and I'm kind of hoping he forgets and doesn't show up. I'm so lazy.

procrastination. because i can.

Last time I had a paper due I did it the night before. And I stayed up late. And got up early. Didn't get much sleep. But got a good grade. So now here I am. It's not late yet. But instead of working on my paper I'm blogging. And wondering what to eat for dinner. I'm not even hungry. I hope I get a good grade.

I will leave you with this photo. Jesse took it. There's something wrong with him.

are you there god? it's me, jen.

I'd really like a snow day tomorrow. Going to work just doesn't fit into my schedule. I have a take home final due on Saturday and I'm not done with it. Of course I didn't work on it tonight because Survivor was on. It's snowing really hard right now. So if you could just keep it up for a few more hours then I won't have to go to work and I can stay home to work on my final. So just a few more hours...like 8 or something would be good.
Amen.
Jen.

what in the world is going on in this house??

to do list...

For when I quit my job...

• buy shelves for the downstairs closet where I currently just throw everything and hope it makes it.
• organize the shit in the closet and put the shit on the shelves I bought.
• buy shelves and plastic bins for the basement and organize all the shit down there.
• make cookies with the Pampered Chef cookie press I am hoping to win on Ebay.
• put another coat of paint on the kitchen walls.
• paint the bedroom.
• paint the dining room.
• by the time I do all that shit it will be spring so... get rid of the weed garden in the back yard and plant some vegetables or something.
• clean the screened-in porch really well.
• perfect a homemade bloody mary mix.
• make moonshine next to the dead cat in the garage.
• find the perfect sauerkraut making crock at a Goodwill store near me.
• go to the Hague to get baseball cards from Chris.
• go to Grand Rapids to hang out with Joanna and Erica. A lot.
• audition for the Survivor host position.
• cook dinner.
• get addicted to daytime t.v.
• play XBOX 360.

I have so much to do. I better quit this damn job soon!

regrets

I try to make choices in life that I won't regret. So far, so good. I mean, there's a couple things that I do regret. Like not having sex with this guy in college. I sooooo should have done him but I was afraid of catching an STD from him because I'm pretty sure I'm the only person at the University of Michigan (Ann Arbor, not Dearborn) that he didn't have sex with. That's right. Person. Not just woman. Anyway, I regret it a little bit because I think it would have been fun. And there are ways to be safe. I was such a slut. WAS.

Last week I made a choice that I am now regretting. I hate that. When I went to a training at a computer lab some guy named Ryan had left his hotmail account signed on to instant messenger. Because it was at a county building computer lab I had no idea who he was or how long he had been signed on. I noticed it but just kind of ignored it. Until he got an instant message. From some chick. All she said was "hey" and I sat there for a few minutes debating whether or not I should a) pretend I was Ryan and mess with her, b) tell her Ryan is a dumbass for not signing off his IM account, or c) just sign off. My coworker at the computer next to me noticed the instant message screen and asked me who I was talking to. Since there were only 4 of us in the room, including the trainer, everyone heard her. I told her that someone else was still signed on and I was considering my options. Then the trainer made me get to work so I just signed off. Didn't reply or anything. I really really wish I would have chosen option A. Clearly that would have been the most fun and given me joy. Of course it would have been mean and most likely not very appropriate but isn't life about having fun? At other people's expenses?

Moral of the story...

Sign off that instant messenger before I show up and ruin your life.

dear santa,

I hope you don't read this blog because if you do, you will know that I haven't really been a very good girl this year. Wait, yes I have been a good girl. Just a good girl with a potty mouth. I thought I better write to tell you what I want for Christmas this year.

I want to stop getting old and feeling shitty. This morning I had a headache so I took some Excedrine Migraine. It made my headache stop but because I took it on an empty stomach I threw up. Please make that stop. I'm also tired of this whole A.D.D. thing. At first it was cool and exciting because it explained a lot of my fuck-ups in life. But now I know I have it so I can be done with it now please. It's not cool and exciting anymore. It's medication and side effects and that sucks. Remember in college when I was all messed up and dove for the phone and jacked up my right knee? Yeah. It still hurts sometimes so if you could make that stop that would be awesome.

Are you wanting to kick my ass yet? I know that I have it really really good. I have a home (maybe you could get me some insulation?). Friends and family that are awesome (one particularly good friend even says I should be the next host of Survivor). Health insurance (OOO! Maybe you could get me that for Christmas and then I could quit my job!). A job (Yeah. Part of me does know that I'm lucky to have a job). This is why I have to constantly bitch about the little things.

Thanks, Santa. I'm sorry I have a potty mouth and I'm sorry you don't really exist and I'm sorry that even if you did, most likely you wouldn't be some kind of medicine man that could cure my ailments.

Love,
Jenjen

p.s. I would also like an XBOX 360, and a Bose sound dock thingy for my ipod, and please get Jesse one of those wireless G router things and satellite radio.

i think i might explode.

Here's the thing people, and Jesse, you can stop reading now because you've heard this all before, I am a regular pooper. I poop every day. Usually in the morning. Sometimes in the afternoon. Rarely in the evening. Since taking Strattera I do not poop every day. One of the side effects is constipation. So now I haven't pooped since I don't even remember when. Saturday? Friday? Dear GOD! And now I am afraid to poop because I don't remember the last time I pooped which means it is probably going to hurt. Great. Freaking A.D.D. and drugs and side effects and no poop.

my family.

He loves me!


Barbaro Garbey


Willie Horton



Charlie Hodge


I haven't posted photos of my family in a while. Aren't they cute?

zzzz....

It's been days since I've blogged anything. You would think I have something interesting to say since it's been so long. But you would be wrong. I can't believe the weekend is almost over. I didn't really do much. I got my paper back in class on Saturday. I got 97 out of 100 points. Whew! I was pretty worried that I screwed up on that one. Glad I didn't.

Christmas is coming. We went shopping last night but I didn't really buy much. I love the "Made for TV" store. But I didn't even find anything exciting there. Maybe I just wasn't in the shopping mood.

I'm so boring.

poser

I love to read the New Yorker. Apparently I am not smart enough to be reading the New Yorker. They use words like "lepidopterist" and I have to look them up on the internet. I hate to read the New Yorker. Assholes.

warning

My contacts are so old and nasty it hurts to wear them. I wore my glasses today. They are about 5 years old and are 3 or 4 prescriptions behind. I can definitely see better with them than without them. But not as well as I thought I could. I usually just wear them at night for reading or watching tv in bed after taking my contacts out. This morning I almost got run over by a big ass semi. That could have been because I wasn't paying attention and had to slam on my brakes to merge into the other lane because I was about to miss my exit. But I definitely am not seeing as well as usual. So if you are planning on traveling east on I-94 between Ypsilanti and Detroit tonight around 5ish, you might want to rethink your plans. Just because I can't see very well doesn't mean I can slow down. I hope it doesn't rain or snow.

"hi. i'm jen and i have a.d.d."

This is where the people who have a.d.d. with me say, "Hi Jen." and then knowingly purse their lips and nod their heads.

Maybe it's the seasonal affect disorder setting in, maybe it's the running out of meds for 3 days last week, maybe it's the assholes I work with. I'm not sure what it is but damn I feel wretched! I think the Strattera is working. I can read without the words going all over the page. I can write papers for school. But some of the old symptoms are back. I'm ready to quit my job and like I said, it might be the assholes I work with, but what if it's just me? I'm coming up with solutions that don't make much sense but involve removing myself completely from the situation. Like a few years ago when I had this great idea to move to Grand Rapids where I didn't know anybody and ended up taking a $15,000/yr pay cut and couldn't really afford to take that pay cut. So today I have been feeling like quitting my job and moving back in with my parents for a while is a great idea. It's not a great idea. It would be really hard on Jesse and I. My parents probably won't even let me move back in with them. I feel like I really don't want to do this. But part of me, the A.D.D. part, thinks it is a great idea and the only way to make things better. Let's just hope I can get this bullshit under control and not do anything that is going to hurt me or Jesse or anyone else I care about. Emotionally, not physically. I'm a pacifist you know.

This is so exhausting. Can't I just stay in bed until spring?

honk if you need help.

This morning at approximately 4AM I awoke to the sound of a car horn. At first I thought it was a car alarm. Then Jesse told me it wasn't an alarm and that someone was sitting in a car in front of the house across the street honking their horn. "How rude!" I thought as I tried to go back to sleep. The honking continued. For a long time. I was super pissed that someone thought it was a good idea to sit and honk their horn at that ungodly hour. Jesse got up and called the police and then called our security company that has the dude that patrols the neighborhood. Finally the honking stopped and because I am super nosey, I ran to the window to see whether the car left or what happened. The police were there and then an ambulance showed up. The ambulance left and a woman got out of the car. I have no idea what happened but she was obviously trying to get help by honking her horn and waking up the entire neighborhood. Nobody felt safe enough to go outside and find out what the problem was. I considered it but thought it wouldn't be a good idea. Jesse said he also considered it and ruled it out. I don't know what happened to her. The front of her car was smashed up so maybe someone ran into her and took off. She obviously didn't have a cell phone to call the police or I would hope she would have called instead of honking her horn. I was glad the ambulance left because I assume that meant she was not hurt. It took me a long time to fall back asleep. And when I did I had messed up dreams. And the cats were hogging the bed. So on my way to work this morning I was very very sleepy. I realized my blinks were getting longer and longer. Falling asleep on the way to work is not a great way to start the week. Ugh.

it's all wrong.

I should have quit my job and then taken classes. And then maybe I wouldn't be starting to write a paper today that is due tomorrow. And then maybe my boyfriend wouldn't have to do all the laundry and make the bed. And then maybe the hardwood floors would be swept. And then maybe the kitchen floor would be mopped and those nasty spots wouldn't still be there. And then maybe the sidewalk would have gotten shoveled and not turned into a sheet of ice (I think it melted today...whew, we can't afford a law suit!). And then maybe I would get the reading for my other class done in a timely manner and would show up to class prepared for once. And then maybe I could have been irresponsibly drunk two nights in a row instead of saying 'no thanks' last night because I knew I had to write a paper today. And then maybe I would have had more patience with the creepy man I'll call "Dave" at the bar last night.

Let's talk about "Dave" for a second. We went to the Lager House last night. We weren't feeling especially rambunctious because we were all hungover. It was nice to just hang out with the people we knew and chill. Talk and laugh about the night before. Admire one another's pearl necklaces. Chill. But nooooooooooOOOooooo. "Dave" saw us talking to the band and decided that since he also knows the band but not anyone else at the bar, he would be our new best friend. Unfortunately, we were all hungover and were not looking to make nice-nice with new guy "Dave." Or "Dave's" belly that touched us all because he stood uncomfortably close to each one of us at some point during the night. It would have been easier to accept "Dave" into our little group of 5 if "Dave" had some sort of social skills. Any sort of social skills. Instead, conversations went like this:

"Dave": So Jess, what do you do?
Me: (my name isn't Jess so I didn't say anything)
Kristin: Her name is Jen, not Jess.
"Dave": (laughing hysterically) Oh I'm so sorry, JENNNNN. I'm so bad with names. So Jen, what do you do?
Me: I'm a social worker.
"Dave": Ohhhhhh.
Me: (my name is Jen but I still didn't say anything)
...the end...

and another example of conversation fun...

"Dave": So Jesse, Kristin tells me you lived in Germany.
Jesse: Yup.
"Dave": Really? I lived in Belgium.
Jesse: (his name is Jesse but I don't think he really said anything)
"Dave": Where did you live in Germany?
Jesse: Munich
"Dave": What did you do there?
Jesse: Worked for BMW.
"Dave": Ohhhhh...
There might have been more to their conversation but it was really loud and I was laughing kind of hard so could have missed some of it. And then all conversation turned to kicking Kristin's ass for being the nice one and telling "Dave" stuff so he could use it against Jesse.

Okay so in "Dave's" defense, we weren't really trying to be friends with him. And he was trying really really really REALLY hard. But I think we all thought that after 2 or 3 or 29 conversations like this, he might give up trying. But he didn't. And we are assholes. Do you think I am the ringleader of the assholes? Probably. But "Dave" breathed really hard when he talked. On all of us. The whole situation was just bad. But the rock and roll was as kick ass as it gets and I was home by 1 a.m. and I was sober.

So if I had been a stay-at-home person, I might have had a little more patience with "Dave" and not been so bitchy. Or maybe it would have been worse because I would have drank more the night before due to building up a tolerance to alcohol since there is nothing that says a stay-at-home person can't have a yummy bloody mary for lunch. I mean at lunch.

I wish I could just pretend this blog was my paper and turn it in. I hate APA style. It will be the death of me. If my job doesn't kill me first.

Road trip!!

'Tis the season of receiving holiday cards addressed to the people who lived in this house before us. A little annoying, yes. But also the source of much laughter. Friday the family received a piece of mail from a family that lives in Bumpass, VA. I'll be hand-returning the letter just so I can say I have been to BumpAss.

sick day.

Overboard is on TV and I can't help but watch it. It's a certain kind of sickness. Rejoice that you don't have it.

I also have a little bit of a sickness called hangover. Last night Jesse and I went to Joel's and Amanda's Dirty Pickle Party. I was supposed to be the designated driver but that didn't work out so well. On the way to the party I explained to Jesse that I am capable of being responsible and not drinking myself into a stupor. So I was wrong. But the party was a blast. Julie was there and it was soooo fun to see her! The New Kids on the Block were also there and were made into some awesome art.

It's special. I know. At 4 a.m. Joel suggested we stay at their house so we passed out in what was supposed to be Julie's room. This next photo pretty much sums up the evening. Except I didn't drink any of that. I didn't get a photo of all the empty wine bottles.

We are going to the Lager House tonight to see some rock and roll Hard Lessons style. I took a nap this afternoon and am kind of working on my paper that is due on Monday. I might have to take another nap before we go to the bar.

Thanksgiving was all sorts of fun. I actually like my family so it wasn't too bad. Grand Rapids is a long way away but it was good to see everyone and catch up.

gobble gobble

Ah yes, the holidays are officially here. Let the eating begin. It is 8:30 in the fucking morning and I have been up for an hour making food. Happy holidays. I was supposed to make two pans of the same thing because there will be so many people at Thanksgiving dinner. Yeah. I just made one. I was peeling sweet potatoes forever last night and that was just for one recipe. So I figured it's not going to be that good anyway so one will be plenty. In an hour or so Jesse and I will be driving across the cold, snowy, icy state of Michigan to hang out with my family. I like my family so it's okay. But the approximately 6 hours we will spend in the car today isn't okay. It sucks. According to WDET, the roads are icy and there are accidents everywhere. And it didn't really snow enough to be pretty. It just looks cold.

Happy Thanksgiving!

This morning I was a little early getting to Ypsilanti because I was able to go about 90 m.p.h. on the freeway. I decided to stop at the ATM and get some money so I could get some Tim Horton's coffee for me and some hot chocolate for my coworker. Imagine my surprise when I pulled up to the ATM and went digging around for my wallet in my purse and it wasn't there. It wasn't there because it is sitting on the coffee table at home. It's sitting on the coffee table at home because I paid for something on the internet last night and got my credit card out of my wallet and never put my wallet back. Ooops.

It's a sign of a bad day. I know it is.

Quitting my job and not having health insurance is going to suck. But I'm really wondering how valuable the health insurance is in the first place. As you all know, I am taking Strattera for A.D.D. My doctor prescribed 63 pills for me for one month because I take two each day. With Strattera I have to take it every day in order for it to work. When I got the prescription filled a few weeks ago I was pissed because they only gave me half the prescription. I just figured it was my health insurance company's way of screwing me out of two $25 co-pays each month. When I went to get the refill on Sunday I found out that it was the health insurance company's way of screwing me out of the correct amount of medication. Apparently my health insurance has decided they will only pay for 34 pills each month instead of 63. That's really helpful, assholes. When I explained that my doctor had prescribed two a day the health insurance lady told me that I really should only be taking one. What? I called my doctor's office yesterday to tell them to call in an override or something and they were supposed to call me back. They didn't. So I called them again today to remind them that I haven't had any of this medication since Sunday and I am dizzy and sick to my stomach and someone needs to call me yesterday goddammit! I was nicer than that because I would like to receive a phone call sometime today. But now, even if they call and say I can go get more medication I won't be able to because my wallet is on the coffee table in another zip code.

It's a bad day.

I had to call the vet today to find out the results of the pee test they did on my cat. She has a bad urinary tract infection. As a matter of fact, there were too many red blood cells in her pee to count. I have to go pick up medication for her. And the doctor wants her to eat special food. But when I asked about the special food she is already on for the food allergy they weren't sure what to do. I asked them to please find out by the time I come in tonight to get the medication and the more special food. This cat is a special cat. And by 'special' I mean 'really annoying.' She cries all the time until Jesse or I pick her up. She wakes us up in the night by playing with the window blinds or by licking my nose. But now I feel bad that she hasn't felt well for maybe a long time and I didn't do anything about it because I just thought she was a special cat.

Can I go home now? Today sucks.

Last week was a pretty bad one in the world of work. On Thursday I had a meeting with my supervisor and the program director and ended up losing my mind on the program director. I pretty much told her what I thought of her and the way she does things and it wasn't nice. And I was sobbing and really upset. I was very close to quitting and just walking out forever. But I didn't do that. Instead I've been thinking more rationally about quitting. Can we afford it? What will I do for health insurance? Will I have to cook every day? These are the things that I must consider. The other side of things is, how much more of this bullshit can I take at work? I kind of feel like I have hit bottom. Or some kind of breaking point. The worst part is that no matter how shitty I feel, it's my clients that are getting screwed. I am sure that I don't do a very good job as a case manager. It isn't my strong point. Never has been, never will be. But I have been put in this position and have done my best. But it's not enough. Is it fair that I stay in a job I hate and know I'm not good at just to have health insurance when people are homeless because of it? It's not right. Oh shit. If I quit my job, what will I blog about? Dust bunnies? Casseroles? The cute things our cats do? Hmmm...this could be fun!

pass the baby carrots, please.

Next week is Thanksgiving. My aunt called me and asked me to bring a dish to pass. What? Unfortunately she left a voicemail and I didn't get the chance to remind her that only grownups have to bring a dish to pass. And in my family you are not a grownup until you breed. Which I have not done. So I will not be taking a dish to pass. Unless, like my cousin suggested, I take baby carrots. If I take baby carrots would I be expected to take them out of the bag they come in and put them on a plate or other serving dish? This is too hard. I'm just supposed to show up, eat turkey and watch the Lions play football. Bring a dish to pass. It's just not Thanksgiving if I have to worry about killing the entire family with the dish I bring to pass. I'll bring a dish to pass. But first I have to test it on Jesse. If he doesn't die then I will try to make the dish to pass again to bring to Thanksgiving. One of my favorite Thanksgivings was the one I spent at the Pontiac Silverdome with my friend, Ron. Instead of bringing a dish to pass with my family, I got Ron to go to the game with me. I had never been to a Lions game before and thought Thanksgiving would be the perfect time to go. We had a blast! My mom had made a bunch of extra dishes to pass so Ron and I could have our own little Thanksgiving dinner at his house after the game. I missed my family. But now I miss Ron. He got married and his wife had a baby and I'm sure he now has to take a dish to pass to his family Thanksgiving.

rehab

I'm beginning to feel a little baseball withdrawal. I'm looking at the calendar longing for spring training. It doesn't help that it is snowing and is really cold outside. Some teams are releasing their spring training schedules. The Tigers haven't released their schedule yet but I have taken it upon myself to piece together their schedule by looking at other schedules. Sad, isn't it? This is what I need to get me through the day. At least the other withdrawal symptoms haven't started yet. You know, the trembling, sweats, chest pains.

One time I took a homeless guy to the emergency room because he wanted to stop drinking and was pretty sure if he stopped on his own he would die. This guy told me he had to drink a couple beers before he felt well enough to eat a meal. I asked what size beers. He said 40 oz. Oh. Anyway, during the check-in process at the hospital the woman asked him if he had any other health issues that brought him to the emergency room. I heard him say "I have a bad tooth ache." and I turned to look at him and he was standing there with his false teeth in one hand, pointing to them with his other hand and he had the biggest goofiest grin on his face I have ever seen. I started to laugh and then he started to laugh and because he was drunk off his ass, he almost fell over laughing. The woman asking the questions didn't laugh. I spent 12 hours (6 p.m to 6 a.m.) with him in the waiting room. Unfortunately he stopped laughing and by about the 3rd hour he was threatening to walk out. He swore at me and threatened me and begged me to take him home. I told him he was free to leave but I wasn't giving him a ride anywhere. He hung in there and ended up being seen by a doctor who told him he didn't need medical detox. The rehab told him he couldn't go there because he had to have medical detox. What was he supposed to do? No treatment because he needed medical detox. No medical detox was available. I asked the doctor what would have happened if the man had insurance other than Medicaid. He looked at me and said he probably would have admitted him for medical detox. After a long night of this man hating me for not taking him home, I ended up having to take him home. Where he continued to drink and ended up having to leave the shelter. Last I heard he had sobered up long enough to get a job and find housing. But now he's drinking again and is about to be homeless.

This is why I need baseball.

feedback.

The agency I work for is moving toward a policy of giving and receiving feedback to one another on a regular basis. This pretty much means that instead of talking about each other behind our backs, we'll say it to each other's faces. The program director has high expectations for her staff that she does not hold for herself. For example, I am expected to check my email/voicemail on a regular basis. She is not. We were supposed to meet this morning but I had to cancel. I sent an the program director an email, my supervisor sent the program director an email and also left a voicemail. The program director showed up this morning for the meeting.

Program Director: We're not meeting this morning?
Me: You got two emails and a voicemail saying the meeting needs to be rescheduled.
PD: Oh I wasn't in the office so I didn't check my voicemail or my email.
Me: I don't know what to tell you.
PD: Nobody paged me.
Me: I stopped paging you because I don't get called back.
PD: Well someone could have tried.
Me: We thought two emails and a voicemail would be enough.
PD: I need to give you some feedback. I experience your tone as if you think this is my fault.
Me: Oh. I apologize that you experience my tone that way. My tone is borne out of frustration that this happens a lot.
PD: Well. I do the best that I can.
Me: Don't we all. (and then for added drama) Don't we all...

Then after she left I laughed my ass off. See now, wasn't that feedback effective?

ooops.

I make typos and I don't proofread. But I do not, however, paste my typos on a bus. This morning I was behind a city bus that had an advertisement for Wayne County Community College's Vetinary Technology Program. What's a vetinary? I'm not sure. I couldn't find it on their website but as you can see, I did find their Veterinary Technology program.

I had a busy night in dreamland last night. First I went shopping and parallel parked my car. I got really mad at something and beat the shit out of the parking meter. Completely smashed it to pieces. Then I moved my car and parked somewhere else. I went shopping and when I came out there was a note on the broken parking meter that read, "We know who you are. You broke the parking meter and so we towed your car. -the police" I went to find my car and sure enough, it was gone. I called my parents' house and my ex-coworker answered the phone, 'hello this is the housekeeper.' I asked to speak with my grandma and she put her on the phone. My grandma has been dead for a few years. I asked my grandma to come pick me up because I broke the parking meter. She said she'd send the housekeeper. Then I was at church camp doing shots of really good vodka with Joel. We were doing shots of vodka because we were going to go hunt for the really big elephants that were hanging around the swamp.

This new medication really messes with my dreams. I have a ton of really strange dreams and I remember so much of them. Or maybe I've always had strange dreams but just didn't remember them. Either way I wake up not feeling very rested because I've been so busy in my sleep.

random. nothing.

Not one exciting thing happened this weekend. Not one thing. I went to class yesterday. I studied today. Jesse put plastic over the windows today. He actually worked his ass off this weekend. He raked leaves and cut the grass yesterday. And what did I do? Um. I dusted the coffee table and end tables. I read a few chapters in a textbook about drugs. I apologize for my so boring life. Next weekend will be busy. This week will suck because I have to write a paper. Tomorrow I have to go to work. Meetings and homeless people. It is super windy in Detroit. It is so cold in my house that I am wearing the hood on my sweatshirt. I don't mind. I'll get used to it eventually. Last night we watched the Wizard of Oz. Then I watched episodes of Laguna Beach on MTV while Jesse slept. I think he was sleeping. This morning Jesse got up at 7:30 or something like that and I told him I'd be up soon. Then I fell back asleep until 9. I had dreams about old boyfriends and rollercoaster rides. And water rides.

Is it spring yet? Can I go to a baseball game now?

My tummy hurts. And my head hurts. And the only way I am comfortable is when I am laying on my office floor. This happened a few weeks ago and I hurried home because I was sure I was dying. Then after I ate lunch I felt okay. I'm such a drama queen. I think this happens when I take Strattera on an empty stomach. I took it and then I ate a cookie. Yum! But I guess it didn't work. Yesterday I ate a big ol' bowl of Lucky Charms for breakfast but this morning there was no time. I slept as late as possible this morning. And it was good, deep sleep. So deep, in fact, Jesse reports I ripped a big ol' fart and didn't even wake up. Yes friends, I am a sleep-farter. Usually I wake myself up with my sleep-farts, which is okay because I giggle and look over to make sure Jesse heard so he can giggle too (he usually sleeps through them) and then go back to sleep and dream of my next fun sleep-fart.

I hope I feel better soon. It's hard to get work done while lying on the floor trying not to puke.

i *heart* my job!

Returning to work after vacation always sucks. I've been in the office for almost 3 hours now. Not one person has asked me how my vacation was. I found out that the coworker I liked got fired. I received an email saying I have a November 15 deadline to get a bunch of information into a database, which might happen by next November 15. Someone turned the lights in my office off and then walked away without ever asking if I was up here. I was told I will do an intake for a new family on Friday at noon. 2 families who moved into their own apartments a couple months ago received eviction notices because they haven't paid rent.

When is my next vacation?

i'm home!!

We were only gone for a few days but it felt like a really long time. So nice to be home! And I'm super happy that I took today off of work as an extra "vacation recovery" day. When we got home last night the cable wasn't working right and when I came downstairs this morning it still wasn't working. I called Comcast and they said someone would be here to fix it before 9 p.m. I called at 9:30 this morning. Assholes. So I ran to the store and bought some groceries and hurried home. My mom always told me not to shop on an empty stomach but this morning I didn't really have an option. I wanted to go before the cable fix-it people got here. And I went with a list so I figured I would be okay. I was wrong. I came home with horseradish cheese, Lucky Charms, and a special yummy treat for Jesse. Of course I got all the stuff on the list too. What the hell am I going to do with horseradish cheese and Lucky Charms?

But enough about today. Let's talk trip. We flew into Minneapolis early Friday morning. Lucky for us the hotel wasn't completely booked and let us check in very very early. We laid around and tried to nap but I suck at napping so we decided to go and check out the town. First we found the wedding site, a lovely country club in Shakopee. As we were driving down the road Jesse spotted rollercoasters in the distance. Wha? Huh? Nobody told me Minnesota has rollercoasters! We didn't find them. We did, however, find the original baseball hall of fame.



At first we thought it was just a store with Vikings and Twins gear. But then I saw a handwritten sign that said "This way to the Museum" over a dark doorway. The two people working there were eating lunch out of styrofoam take-out containers. I asked if the museum was open. The man stood and said he would be happy to turn the lights on for us. We went into a wood-paneled room covered with 8x10 photographs of the owner and his family with famous people. Famous people like Florence Henderson...



And Dolly Parton...



And an Elvis Presley corner...



Can you believe it was free admission?

We decided to find the Museum of Questionable Medical Devices that was shown on our map. Unfortunately, we were not able to find the stupid thing. We did, however, find a lovely restaurant that served the most wonderful bloody mary.



A giant pickle. A button. And can you see the teeny tiny beer behind the cocktail? In Minnesota you get a free little beer chaser with your bloody mary. It wasn't just this place that gave you a free little beer. We tested it at several places. I can't believe nobody told me this about Minnesota. I would have moved there a long time ago.

The view across the street from the restaurant was pretty cool.



Let's see...What else did we do. I can't remember when we did what anymore. So let's just pretend we had a really busy day. But really all this stuff took place sometime on Friday or Saturday or Sunday.

We went to see the park where the St. Paul Saints play. We found the outdoor sculpture park. Julie had told me about the Claes Oldenburg sculpture. It was very cool. But this is my favorite one. It is called Goddess With The Golden Thighs, by Reuben Nakian. Kind of dirty. Beautiful.



We went to the Minneapolis Institute of Arts. I almost didn't stay when I read this sign.



How dare they tell me I can't bring my gun to the art museum?

The wedding was beautiful. I haven't seen the bride in years. I haven't seen her family in more years. I love friends that even when you haven't kept in close contact, when you see them again, it's like you just hung out yesterday. Everything was so comfortable. No sizing each other up, just pure joy at being in one another's company again. Her family is amazing. When I was in college they were like my second family. And they might have even been more fun than my original family! There aren't many people I would have a matching tattoo with.



Okay this is getting long.

While having brunch with Jesse's friend from high school, we mentioned our search for the Museum of Questionable Medical Devices. They said it had been moved to the Science Museum. So of course we went. My favorite questionable medical device...



That's right, a Prostate Gland Warmer from 1925. I don't know if you can read the little sign or not but it says something about sticking something up someone's butt and then something and then something and then...awesome!

And there was a fossilized poop collection.



So it was a great trip. We hope to go back next summer to catch a couple baseball games. I'm sure I'll take more photos then.

so much to say. so little time.

I think I'm officially on vacation. Jesse and I fly to Minneapolis tomorrow morning. Early morning. We are staying at my parents' house tonight and they'll take us to the airport. Luckily they finally ditched their phone line modem and got a cable modem so I can write this little blog.

Sometime when I get time I want to write about paying my respects to Rosa Parks. And my conversation with the watch lady at Marshall Fields. And hopefully something fun(ny) will happen this weekend so I can write about that too.

But now I have to go to sleep. I think we are leaving for the airport at 6 a.m. Yikes!! Good night! Have a great weekend!! If you know of anything fun to do in Minneapolis, call me immediately. Joanna, I forgot to ask you when I talked to you earlier!

and the oscar goes to....me!

My Supervisor: This morning I told my supervisor that I'm looking for a new job.
Me: Really? That was a brave thing to do.
S: Yeah I just told her that I am looking and as soon as something comes up I will be gone.
Me: Wow. What did she say?
S: Nothing. But I know she was thinking about all the changes she will make and reorganizing. I just told her that she doesn't want someone who is a good supervisor and good at social work, she wants someone to facilitate meetings.
Me: ...
S: Yup. So she's the one that is going to lose out on a great social worker. Oh well.
Me: ...

I'm not sure how I didn't bust out laughing. But I'm pretty sure my eyes were bugging out of my head. I just couldn't say anything. So I sat there and nodded my head. Again and again. And again.

One of my best friends from college is getting married on Saturday. Jesse and I are heading to Minneapolis for the wedding. Since I wear jeans and tshirts/sweatshirts to work every day I have no nice clothes to wear to a wedding. Make that, "had" no nice clothes. That's right my friends, I went to the mall. I paid waaaaay too much for a pretty skirt and sweater. And because of the way the sweater is cut, I had to go buy a bra. I can't stop writing about my boobies. Anyway, I went to a department store and asked the nice woman if she had any suggestions for something that would push the girls up, yet wouldn't show with a low cut sweater. She showed me one and I went and tried it on. It worked! So I walked up to the counter to pay and she asked me how it was. Before I knew what was happening I said, "boobylicious." Jesus. This is what happens to me when I shop. I can't go to the mall ever again. Ever. Except I forgot to buy pantyhose. Shit.

i'm confused.

This morning on the way to work as I was heading west on I-94, I passed what I thought was Rosa Parks heading east on I-94. There were a million cops on motorcycles with their lights flashing, cop cars, a couple dark vans and then a big semi that I assumed carried her. But now I see that she arrived in Detroit last night. What the hell did I see? Who else would get a million cops and block traffic on a major interstate during rush hour? I'm also assuming who/whatever it is was coming from the airport into the city. Anyone?

apology

I'm thinking of sticking an apology letter in my mailbox. Maybe when I called and ratted out my lazy ass mail carrier she got in trouble. Now she is in retaliation mode and stole my People magazine. I don't know for sure that she stole it. But it's the only thing I can figure out. Here's a little timeline of events:
Wednesday - she sucks and doesn't deliver my package (teehee) in the proper manner. I call and bitch.
Friday - my People magazine doesn't show up like it's supposed to.

See? It all makes sense. Little does she know, I have this thing called the 'internet' at work and I contacted People magazine to tell them I didn't receive the last one and they will send out a new one right away. She will not win!!

So. That apology letter that I was thinking of writing. I changed my mind.

some might say i'm only funny when i'm pissed.

The other day I went bra shopping. Since my boobies have been the same size since I got them (grew them?) I generally go to the bra section, pick out one that looks comfortable, find the correct size, pay and go. Trying bras on is not a fun thing so I avoid it. When I got my new purchase home I sadly realized that since I have lost some weight (thank you Ritalin), my boobies have shrunk. My pretty new bra is a little big. I was complaining to Jesse, because that is what I do.

Me: my boobies shrunk. Well at least I only paid $13 for the bra. And when I gain weight they'll come back.
Jesse: Yeah or when you get implants.
Me: Yup.
Jesse: Or when you get pregnant.
Me & Jesse: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA yeah right.

i'm pissed.

I know yesterday I might have mentioned that I shouldn't talk about work on my blog. But that was yesterday. Today I am home because I called in sick to work even though technically, I am not physically ill. I am, however, sick of the bullshit at my office. That has to be good enough. So I'm sitting around today watching tv, reading for school and catching up on some funny blogs on the internet. I'm sitting on the living room couch that is in front of the large living room windows. Our mailbox is on our house, about 10 feet from where I am sitting, but of course it is outside. A few minutes ago I heard the mail carrier close the mailbox and saw her walk away. She doesn't come on our porch, she can reach the mailbox from the side of the porch. About one minute after the mail carrier left I went out to get the mail. Imagine my surprise when I found a little "Sorry We Missed You! We ReDeliver for You" slip of paper. Sorry you missed me, my ASSHOLE! I immediately called the post office to bitch about my lazy mail carrier that can't even walk up 6 porch steps to ring the doorbell and wait 5 seconds for me to walk to the door to get my package. The woman that took my call didn't really seem to care. That's it. I am boycotting the USPS. At least until my next shopping spree at www.shopgoodwill.org. That's right. Laugh now. But you may be the next recipient of one of my many wonderful finds.

New Kids on the Block trading cards, anyone?

work

I think work is making me sick. Physically ill. This morning I felt fine. Went to work. Was actually doing work when around 10 I started to feel sick to my stomach. By 10:30 I was laying on the floor trying to not puke and my stomach hurt really badly. It felt like someone had reached inside me and was squeezing my stomach as hard as they could. Then my back started to hurt, but not like it hurt when I hurt it on Friday. I decided to leave work and try to make it home. I think I had a fever because I was freezing and it really wasn't that cold in my car with the heat turned on full blast. I got home and laid in bed for a while. Then I made soup for lunch and was able to eat it all. Then I felt better. And now I'm fine. Very odd. I was sure I was dying. Laying on the floor at work sucks. Especially since our cleaning company doesn't know how to clean.

While I was home this afternoon I was reading this woman's blog and she actually got fired for what she had written in her blog about her job and the people she worked with. It was creepy because she didn't put in any identifying information. No names, no locations, nothing. It made me think that maybe I shouldn't write so much bad shit about my coworkers and the agency I work for. But I probably don't have anything to worry about since half the people I work with don't even know how to check their voicemail, let alone surf that thing called 'the internet.'

Game 3 of the World Series is on right now. Jesse says he doesn't care who wins. I'm hoping the White Sox win it in 6. Time to score the game...

it reminds me of...

I emailed Carol with my warm and fuzzy Def Leppard memories. She emailed me back with a bunch of memories that I should remember. But don't really. Now I have to email her back and admit that I have no idea what she is talking about. I'm old. She's not. Yikes!

Tonight Jesse and I ate dinner at Jacoby's. They had spicy peanuts on the table. We were eating them when the waitress came and left a couple moist towelettes for us. She said to be sure to wipe our hands when we were done and to not touch our eyes because it would sting. One time my friend's boyfriend made dinner for them and it involved cutting jalapenos. Later that night they were getting all amorous and it was all fun and games until she felt a strange burning sensation "down there." That's right. It started to burn and burn and felt like her kootchie was on fire and I had to yell "HELP! HELP!! MY CROTCH IS ON FIRE!! GET AWAY FROM ME!! DON'T EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!!!!" A moist towelette would have come in handy for my friend.

i'm smart again.

I just checked online and I got an A+ on the paper I wrote about the AA meeting. Oh yeah. This is the first professor who has actually used the online system for announcements and grades and shit. It's very cool and I wish the other professors would use it. Well, maybe it's not 'cool' but it is convenient. I'm trying to not be such a big dork. It's not working.

mullet nation

Has anyone ever been to a Cheap Trick and Def Leppard concert? Jesse and I saw them at the Palace last night and it was amazing. It was the second time I've seen Cheap Trick and the first time seeing Def Leppard. The crowd wasn't as into Cheap Trick as I thought they would be. As I wanted them to be. But they were fun to watch and I just love bands that have been around forever. Then when Def Leppard came on stage I was in awe. Could this be the same band that I listened to when I was in 4th grade? Ah yes I remember Carol and I trying to decide what our favorite song was on Pyromania. We both came up with Photograph, by the way. I think I had a smile on my face for the whole show. When I was little I never would have guessed that I'd be seeing Def Leppard in concert for the first time when I was 31 years old. Ha!

The music was definitely the highlight of the evening. People watching was also at a premium. I've never seen such a huge crowd of all white people. I mean, you would think I'd be used to being the only minority in the room but usually there's a few. Last night I think I saw 2 black people (I saw more than that but most were staff) and 2 Asian men and that was it. I was really uncomfortable but I'm not sure why since I should be used to that by now! Anyhoo...three boys and their mom (maybe? I'm not sure but I think she was one of the boys' mom) sat in front of us. The boys were skinny with long greasy hair and teeny tiny fuzzy moustaches on their faces. They wore bad ass black concert t-shirts, I believe a couple had Def Leppard and my favorite young boy had on a Black Sabbath t-shirt. These were the boys that were made fun of when I was in high school. I cannot believe they are still around. I imagine they are still the boys that are made fun of. Easy targets but I still couldn't help myself. They were so funny! The mom was just as funny with her 80's hairdo and tight black jeans. And then the other people in front of us were these 4 women who apparently were not aware that pants come in different sizes, more specifically, BIGGER sizes. It was muffin top central and they insisted on standing up and shaking their asses on a regular basis. There was one skinny one. I heard her tell the people sitting next to us that she has 4 kids. During the concert she took off her baggy t-shirt and I could tell she had 4 kids. She was skinny everywhere except for the big ol' pot belly that was busting out of the top of her pants and the bottom of the little tank top she was wearing. It was very strange. People. Get clothes that fit. Please. Anyway, you can probably imagine the mullets that were present last night. Amazing. Wonderful. I was in heaven. Too bad I didn't have my camera.

pain

My back still hurts. I went to class today so sitting in an awful desk for 2 1/2 hours probably didn't help. But now I am wearing one of those oh so sexy icy hot patch things and it feels strangely painful and good. Sick. Actually, I'm wearing two. Both on my back you sickos.

Today I saw a Jaguar station wagon. And it looked new. Wha? Huh?

good night. bad night.

Last night I had to do a presentation for work at 8:30. Jesse drove to Ann Arbor to have dinner with me at Grizzly Peak...YUM! We both parked in a pay lot by the restaurant. After dinner we decided to head to Target to pick up some much needed household items (they have the best cottonballs to exfoliate my ugly mug!). He pulled out of the lot ahead of me. When I got up to the little toll booth I gave the guy my ticket and he said the car ahead of me already paid for my parking. Awwww... he's so sweet!

Just for that, I bought him a Whitesnake CD. I also bought a Kanye West CD for myself. When I was standing in line at Best Buy a checkout guy said, "are you paying with a debit or credit card?" and started to point to his line with nobody waiting. I started to say "debit card" when I decided to say "yes" and it came out sounding like, "duh-yes." He looked at me and said, "yes?" and so I had to explain that I started to say debit card and then said yes and that no, I am not retarded. He laughed. Then he looked at the CDs I was purchasing. Here I go again on my own...

I finally got home from work at 9:30. I was tired but ready to sit down and watch Survivor. When Jesse got home he turned on cucci (homegrown version of TiVo) and announced that it didn't record. Ha ha I thought. He wasn't kidding. But I couldn't be mad at him! He paid for my parking! Now he will be finding it on the internet and downloading it.

I'm home this afternoon because I am getting old and this morning I did something to my back while I was closing the shower curtain in the shower. My back hurts so bad I can hardly sit or stand so I think I'll just lay around and blog. And read blogs. I did buy a heating pad. Getting old is such fun.

things that annoy me a lot today.

• cars that drive 60 mph in the passing lane.
• cars that drive 80 mph behind me when I am behind a car that is going 60 mph in the passing lane. Don't make me brake check your ass!
• Michigan Radio's fall fund drive. I just made my membership pledge. Why are you still asking me for money?? Just shut up and let me listen to the BBC!! I don't even enjoy the BBC that much but it's much better than listening to people beg for money on the radio.
• 12 hour day at work. It's only just begun and I'm already crabby.
• cold weather. I hate wearing socks. But if I don't wear socks then my feet get cold.
• cold feet.

oh shit!

This summer I had a class with a conspiracy theorist and I thought he was full of shit. He talked about printers that printed secret codes and I thought he was crazy silly. Imagine my shock and dismay when I read this. I feel like I need to find the man from my class and apologize for thinking he was crazy. But I'm too lazy.

OH OH i forgot!

Also in supervision today...

supervisor: I think this agency needs a plan in place for the flu. Don't you?
me: what do you mean?
supervisor: that bird flu. Don't you think we should have a plan in place for when it gets here?
me: gets to the agency?
supervisor: yes. I heard there aren't enough vaccines and we should have a plan in place to stop it from spreading.
me: ... well ... um ... from what I've heard I don't think we need to be all that concerned. But I just listen to NPR so maybe it's not a good source.
supervisor: well from what I've heard we should be prepared. Maybe they're just trying to scare us. But the president made a speech about it. I just don't know.
me: ... ... ... (is this really my life?)

supervision today.

me: Tomorrow I am going to a meeting at 8:30 P.M to talk about the program.
Supervisor: Really? Wow that's nice of you. Is someone making you do it?
me: The development director asked me to help her out so I agreed.
S: Well if you want to come over to my house for a while between work and the meeting that's fine.
me: ....
S: You can stop by for a snack or something.
me: ...
me: ...
me: ... (trying to think of what to say)
me: ... (maybe you should stop smoking crack at work...?)
me: ... (HELL no you nut job...?)
me: thanks but I think I'll stay at work and get some of the reports done.

confession

This morning on my way to work I was feeling kind of down. The sky was kind of gray. I was driving to work. There really wasn't anything to feel good about. And then it happened. I was listening to 93.1, they play everything, and Waterloo by Abba came on and I smiled inside. Then because I smiled inside I started to crack up. I'm not sure what is wrong with me but for some strange reason, Abba brightened my day. Someone shoot me!

i'd like to take a moment to bitch.

We have a minivan at work that we use to drive the families around in. There are 7 of us who can use the van so we have a calendar where we sign up to use the van. Last week I wrote my name on the calendar for today because I have to take a family to apply for social security cards. Apparently my supervisor left my coworker a message this morning telling her she needs to take someone to work today and will need the van from 11 to 1. I'm pissed because my supervisor knows there is a sign out sheet and it's not like she doesn't have her own car to take this person to work. So now I have to use my car when I was the one that followed the procedure and signed out the van. What's the point of having a sign out sheet? Apparently there isn't one. I knew I should have stayed home again today.

appliances.

The installation dudes came and put in the new microwave. I'm glad they did it because the people that lived here before us apparently did one hell of a job installing the old one. It looks nice and I just microwaved pizza for lunch. Yum!

It's a good day to stay home from work and do homework! When I stay home from work nothing funny happens though. Oh wait. Nothing funny happens when I go to work.

Can you tell in this photo that we aren't going to be able to open the oven door all the way? Thank God I don't bake! In the oven. Although Jesse and I bought some yummy looking Cinnabon muffin mix thingies at Costco yesterday. Now I need to buy bigger muffin tins. Why can't life just be easy? Because then I wouldn't have anything to blog about.

I have 3.5 hours to finish my paper. I will finish it. If I stop blogging. And emailing. And watching Footloose on HBO.

i hate being crazy.

At one time I thought it would be interesting to do an A.D.D. blog. But then I would take my medicine and I would feel normal so it wasn't so interesting. Now my medicine doesn't work and I'm miserable. I have a paper due tomorrow and I can't write it. I will write it because it's due tomorrow at 5:30. But I will go back to my old ways and finish it a few minutes before I have to leave for class. This sucks. I'm anxious and feel icky. I worry about not finding any medicine that will help. I'm just a big whiner.

And I really hope the White Sox beat the Angels tonight and head to the World Series.

must be getting old

I'm excited about a new stove. Isn't it pretty? It will be much more fun when the matching microwave is installed. We won't be doing that ourselves!!

work.

It's 4 p.m. and I really haven't gotten anything done today. I had a meeting from 9 a.m. to 12 p.m. Then another meeting from 12 p.m. to 1:30 p.m. but I had to leave that meeting at 1 p.m. because I had to facilitate another meeting from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. How am I supposed to get my other work done? If I figure it out I'll let you know. Probably not spending so much time reading blogs and posting blogs would help. Probably. Maybe not.

i'm scary

Every Wednesday afternoon I have a "supervision" meeting with my "supervisor." The other day I told my coworker that my "supervisor" would probably cancel because she doesn't want to talk to me. I just got back to my office and had a voicemail from my "supervisor" cancelling our meeting this afternoon. Awesome!! hahahahaahhaahahahahaahaaaaaaa

kwame's street walkers

Is 'street walkers' supposed to be one word? Hmmm... This morning when I was driving to work I had to stop for a red light at Kercheval and VanDyke. Kilpatrick supporters were standing on each corner approaching cars with fliers. It was pretty rainy and gross this morning. They must really like Kwame. Thank God they didn't bother coming up to my car. It just seems like a strange campaign strategy. Apparently they know something I don't know. I know if I was running for mayor I would not make my friends stand out in the rain and in the street handing shit out. Maybe that's why I wouldn't win. Maybe that's why he won't win.

yum!

I just ate kraut and sausage for dinner. It was very good. Except I left the crock pot on super low and should have left it on low. So I didn't eat very much. I'll let it cook more and finish dinner after the AA meeting. I hope I don't fart through the entire meeting. Hahahaaahahaaa.

poop and stuff.

This medication sucks. It's not working. And it makes me very sleepy. I read that it might take a while for it to work. I don't have time to wait!! Argh...

Before my class on Monday night I always stop by the bathroom to go pee. It's a pretty big bathroom with about 10 stalls. When I went in it was empty. Yippee! I picked a stall toward the end of the row. While I was peeing someone (I can only assume it was a woman) came in and I was not pleased when she picked the stall right next to mine. There were so many others to choose from. Then I was downright annoyed when I heard her start to poop. Luckily I was done peeing and was able to get out of there before it smelled. I was going to wait for her outside and ask her why she decided to poop next to me when there were so many other empty stalls. But that would just be too much drama.

Tonight I am going to an AA meeting for class. It should be interesting. I've never been to a meeting before. Before the meeting I am going to eat sauerkraut and sausage for dinner. That's right, I filled up the crock pot with kraut and onions and mushrooms and a big ol' hunk of sausage before I left for work this morning. I'm going to be so disappointed if I messed up the kraut and it sucks.

time to study.

I got my paper back in class today. I got a 'B'. That sucks. Not that it's a terrible grade but my grade was only 1 point higher than this chick in my class that is kind of stupid. Dammit! I'll have to work harder on the next one.

Today when I was in class I figured out how to connect my laptop to the wireless connection in the building. Having the internet during class doesn't help me pay attention. I almost blogged from class but decided it would be a bad idea. Sometimes when I have bad ideas I realize they are bad ideas and don't do them.

Jesse's mom is visiting this weekend. It's nice to have her here. And not just because I beat both of them at Karaoke Revolution tonight. Oh yeahhhh... Take these broken wings....

stupid stupid job.

In an effort to cut down the amount of meetings everyone in my "team" has to attend, my supervisor and her supervisor came up with a plan. We used to meet on Tuesday mornings to discuss the families in the shelter and on Thursday mornings we talked about the families in the other program. The meetings were combined so my Tuesday meetings were moved to Thursday. Today was the first time we tried the new "system" they came up with. The problem with the new "system" was that there was absolutely no direction.
The agenda was:
Case managers from the other program talk about their families
Children's Services talk about their families in the other program
Children's Services talk about their families in the shelter
Case manager from the shelter talk about their families
Yesterday my supervisor told me I didn't have to come to the part about the other program. The meeting starts at 9:30. I asked her what time I should come. She said she didn't know, but I could come late. I asked how late. She said she didn't know. Maybe come at 10AM, she said. Forget it, I'll just go at 9:30. So I went at 9:30AM. At 11:45AM they were still talking about the families in the other program. During one of the breaks, yes, there were two, one of the children's services people asked what time she should put in her calendar for the meeting to end. My supervisor said, "Well, this is a new format and we don't know what time the meeting will end." I almost cried. Who runs a meeting like this?? My supervisor ended up cutting off the other program so I would have time to do my part of the meeting. At that point it was 11:54. I announced that I would talk for 6 minutes and then I would be leaving. I started talking about one of the families and my supervisor interrupted me and said, "Could you please tell people some background about the family." I wanted to punch her. At the end of the meeting someone asked again if we could have an end time for the meeting. And she said again, "This is a new format and we don't know what time the meeting will end." I felt sick to my stomach. I wasted 3 hours this meeting because my supervisor sucks ass. Oh my GOD I'm so frustrated I could scream.

The good news is I finally got Strattera! Unfortunately there isn't a generic version so I have to pay more. I'm sounding like Debbie Downer. YES!

eye doctor.

This morning I sped by a little car with a bumper sticker. It read, "LIFE" in big letters, and in little letters it read, "a child is not a circus." Wha? Huh? Since I was going about 85 mph and the little car was going about 60 mph I had to slam on my brakes to read it again. Oh. It really read, "a child is not a choice." Perhaps it's time to call and make an appointment with my opthamologist.

leadership

Speaking of my crazy supervisor, I had to meet with her today for "supervision."

Crazy Supervisor: F (her supervisor) told me I need to start thinking of ways to lead the team meetings. I guess she doesn't like the way I lead the meetings. People are complaining. I'm going to tell everyone that someone else needs to be the leader. But we already take turns facilitating the meetings so I'm not sure what she's talking about. I don't know. What do you think?
Me: I think there is a difference between 'facilitating' and 'leading.' (while thinking to myself: you suck at both)
CS: I know so I'm not sure what she is talking about. What do I need to do differently?
Me: I'm not sure how to answer that because I don't know what the complaints are. (while thinking to myself: you need to quit)
CS: I don't know what the complaints are either. I don't know. I guess I'll tell everyone that they need to take year long turns at being the team leader. That's the only thing I can think of.
Me: ... (while thinking to myself: ... )

i'm having an affair.

Not really. But today I kind of felt like it. The newest member of my "team" at work has been here since February. Lately he's come to the realization that our supervisor is crazy. Yesterday she sent a crazy email to us and he called and asked if we could get lunch. We decided we didn't want anyone to know about it so I had to tell a lie to my closest and most favorite coworker. It turned out I only had to tell a partial lie. I told her I was going to run some errands and find a birthday present for Jesse. I did get an oil change and I did find a birthday present for Jesse. And then I took another hour to eat a yummy hamburger at Chili's with my other coworker. It was nice to get away and he is very funny and sarcastic and we see things (crazy ass supervisor) the same way. It will suck if I find out he is one of her spies.

i suck.

Tomorrow is Jesse's birthday. I don't have a present for him. I don't have a dinner reservation for him. SHIT. He says it isn't a big deal but it's a big deal for me. Of course, I'm the one who plans my birthday party months in advance and publishes detailed gift lists. So today while I am supposed to be working I will be trying to figure out how to pull this all together by tomorrow.

health insurance.

I should be grateful that I have health insurance. Lord knows I work with enough people who don't have it, or are underinsured. However, the insurance company I have now is an asshole. Are assholes? Hmm. Yesterday I finally went to the pharmacy to get my prescription for Strattera filled. The kind pharmacist was unable to fill the prescription because my insurance did not cover it. The insurance company's message was, "Call Dr., try stimulant first." I laughed because the insurance company clearly has its (their?) head(s?) up its (their?) ass(es?). They have been paying for me to try a stimulant for the past year. So now I am waiting to hear back from my doctor's office about getting an override so my insurance will cover it.

please pass the lederhosen

I've done it! With the help of my dear friend Joanna, I have made sauerkraut. Bring on the sausage!!

funny things.

Wednesday night Jesse and I went to our last Tigers game of the season. A little boy and his dad were sitting in front of us and the little boy was hysterical. He looked to be about 4 years old and was very talkative and not shy at all. He offered Jesse and I peanuts and little doughnuts. When the Tigers score a run they play a really loud tiger growl (roar?). After the little boy heard the growl he turned around and did his best imitation. Then he asked me if he sounded like a cheetah. I told him I thought he sounded more like a tiger.

Last night when I got home from work the 10-year-old kid that lives across the street was outside. He came over to tell me that his dad just got a new car, a Pontiac Grand Prix. Only when he said it, he pronounced it 'pricks'. Awesome.

This morning I had my annual-woman-kootchie-spelunking exam. Not something enjoyable. At all. But I did find out that I lost 11 pounds since last October. Awesome. Must be the Ritalin! Unfortunately I'll probably gain it all back since I'm not going to take Ritalin anymore. I am going to try Strattera. Hopefully it will work.

My day was going really well until I was sitting in the apartment of one of the families I am working with. The back of my thigh, right below where my butt starts, felt a little cold. It was cold because my jeans have a hole right under my back pocket. When I got back to the office I was going to cancel some appointments and go shopping for new pants but my coworker assured me that she didn't notice and I wasn't being obscene. I was going to call my boss and tell her I need a raise because I can't afford clothes and they are falling apart but then I remembered that she was off today. Maybe I'll go shopping tomorrow.

But maybe not because I think I am getting a cold. And tomorrow we have to go to Costco (twist my arm) and then shopping for a new stove. I'm hoping to get a nice kick ass stove so if we ever move it will be hardly used and pretty much brand new and add to the value of the house. If we cook on it then that plan will be ruined. I'll be keeping that in mind.

Now I have to write a paper.

short cut

Probably 75% of my commute from work is through construction zones. It's exhausting and I hate it. Tonight I decided to take a short cut on the back roads. I found a road that I thought went parallel with the freeway and was shocked that nobody else was smart enough to go that route. "Haha on you," I said to the other cars as I sped away from the gridlock. Okay. I live in Michigan. We have more roads than the rest of the planet combined. How is it that I got on the one road that first of all, turned to dirt after a mile, and second, then went waaaaaay out of my way before there was a cross street? Why didn't I just turn around, you ask? I didn't turn around because I live in Michigan and there are a bzillion roads and if you are patient, one will be just around the bend, or over the hill. Unless of course, you are me and you haven't eaten lunch today and you are tired and just want to get home. Then you end up going way south because you are a stubborn asshole and then when you finally do find a road to head west on, it goes by some plant and the shift is getting out so there is a whole new gridlock to deal with. Haha on me. That's what they were all saying to me as I turned down that empty road. So. With construction it takes about an hour and ten minutes to get home. With my short cut it took an hour and twenty-five minutes.

When I got home Willie Horton was sitting on the dining room table (bad cat), Barbaro Garbey immediately started whining for attention, and there was a package in the mail for me. The other night Jesse told me he bought something for me but he wouldn't tell me what it was. I almost had him convinced that he bought the rabbit for me (the rabbit, not a rabbit) but we were both fooled. I called him to see if I could open it before he got home and he said I should wait. Luckily he was only a few minutes away. I know I've said it before but I have to say it again. Jesse is the best boyfriend ever. The return address on the package was "Steel's Used Christian Books" so imagine my surprise when I found this book inside. Tonight I am working on a paper for my microtheory class. I wonder if I will have time to read this new book and add something to my paper just so I can cite it. That would be awesome. It probably won't happen. But I will be sure to update you as I read.

it's not that bad.

I have to keep reminding myself that no matter how bad I think my life is, it's not nearly as bad as others!! Today a woman called looking for shelter for she and her three children, 11, 12 and 15. She had contacted another shelter in the area but was turned away when she told them her 15 year old daughter is on house arrest. House arrest for a homeless kid? That's right. I didn't get the particulars of why the kid is on house arrest but the mom did tell me that when she told the judge the family is homeless, the judge basically said 'too bad.' So now the kid keeps getting in trouble with her probation officer because she isn't in compliance with the court order. It is so ridiculous that it's almost funny, except now the kid will probably end up in juvey. And is it true that most kids come out of juvey/jail behaving worse than when they went in? It probably is true. Ah the juvenile justice system. I'm so glad it is there to rehabilitate and take care of the youth of America. I kind of want to talk to the judge to find out what the hell they are thinking. Isn't there any other punishment for this kid? If 'just' being homeless isn't punishment enough, how about some community service or something? I went to court with one dude and the judge ordered him to get his GED in one year. If he didn't comply, he would have to serve time. I thought that was really cool. Of course the dude didn't get his GED and ended up doing time but at least the judge gave him a chance.

okay. back to work. i love my job. god bless america. home of the free. land of the brave. equal opportunity for all. unless you are a 15-year-old homeless girl.